Well, it finally drove me to my wits end. Alex not talking to me and not making in effort to contact me for 3 months finally got to me. So I took Jacob's advice and text him the simple message, "hey. Want to go for a walk or something and catch up with each other?". He replied with, "Is it gonna lead to you wanting to date again?" -I was so mad that he would so insolent as to say that! I was in the Aldersgate laundry room at the time and began to yell and scream curse words about him. He also decided to text me about how he came up with the idea that I was looking for a dad -not a boyfriend- in him, but I gave him that idea over the phone this summer the last time we talked! He did not come up with it! I told him that I didn't talk to him for 3 months and he said "that is only because you are still trying to get over me..." Then he accused me of lying to him this summer because in early June I told him that I thought I was over him -I didn't mean to lie, I really thought I was 98% over him and that, in a few days, it would be 100%. I asked him to stop texting me all these things and to talk to me face to face, but he said "while texting I can multitask. I never give anything my full attention..."
Whiel texting him all of this, I left the laundry room and went for a crazy "drive" down the KY roads screaming profanities and how much I hated certain people, then I finally calmed down when I had to put more gas in my car and went to see Jacob at the Student Center. When I got back to my room, I talked to Alex a little on facebook. He decided that he had a right to tell me that I should do him a favor and double or triple my standards that I had for him and "never veer away" from those standards. I can't believe he had enough guts to say that, as if I don't know what an a** he was/is to me, as if I want to date him or someone like him again. Besides, 2x or 3x better than him is not good enough at all, the standard needs to be at least 10x better.
I cried myself to sleep.
1 comment:
My friend Lor sent me this through facebook when I told her the above story:
Oh my word. Those were cruel cruel words he said. I can't even know how they must have cut into your heart.
I agree with you that a walk, time to talk, would have been a good thing..to clear air. What he can't understand apparently, is that going on a walk to talk wasn't about you wanting to get back together, but about getting closure. It is really a shame that he reactetd the way he did. A shame for himself. But Amy, you can still find closure and peace. Because you took the right steps. You don't need to wonder about "what ifs". And I don' even mean the what ifs of getting back together. I just mean the 'what if I had tried to make things better between us', 'what if we could have been friends still', 'what if he is just scared to approach me'.. I have no idea what your what ifs would be..
But now you know. And I think it is easier to let go when you know. But let go with as little bitternes and anger as possible. Because it doesn't hurt them, but it will tear you apart. Disect it, yell about it, cuss about it, scream your heart out, feel the hurt, feel the anger. Feel it. Then hand your heart to God, hand your emotions to God. Then LET IT GO. Let Alex go. Let unmet expectations go.
Praying for you today. Praying for release. Praying that God would show you what He wants you to put your hope in. I love you.
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