Did I tell you that Alex got drunk the other night? He told me he was going to Dustin's graduation party and that he was going to drink, and he knows how I feel about drunkenness. I don't mind if he drinks a little, but drunkenness is not acceptable. So about 4am I woke up to a text from him that he had sent around 3am. It said something to the effect of "I would rather be with you than anywhere near here tonight." So I texted him back and find out he got pretty drunk. He said he thought he stopped when he needed to, "but it kept working." -No duh, even I know that that happens.
We interrupt this blog for.... AHHH! My favorite song just came on the radio! YAY! (Good Morning Beautiful by Brad Paisley. Tim McGraw and I think Keith Urban have done covers.)
Anyway, so I was pretty upset. However, his phone died (he had warned me, I know he wasn't lying) when we were talking about it at around 4:30am. I was contemplating leaving him the entire next day, during church and at work. I tried to pray about it, but felt really uneasy. I have to give him credit though, he told me what happened. He told me when it happened. He came to me and was honest. He didn't have to do that and he knew how I felt about drinking. I believe him that he didn't mean to get drunk.
So we talked about it and I told him if it ever happens again, there's no second chance the next time. I know where I stand on drinking, but I also know the culture he grew up with and how it views drinking. I know he didn't drink while at Asbury the entire year and he says he stopped drinking his senior year in high school. Bleh, alcohol.
But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 5:13-14
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Years Wasted or Well Spent
Parents met with a divorce lawyer last week. Decided who would pay for what and how much it would be. Dad doesn't want to put anything in writing about how much he will pay (things like weddings and cars and such). He wants to just say that he will pay half and then do it when it comes time, no actual writing/legal paper involved. I feel kinda cheated, I don't know if I trust him to keep his word. I am sure he will help, but I feel like he'll be as minimalistic as possible.
I was talking to my Dad yesterday over dinner and we started talking about the whole situation. I told him how I had been talking to Matt about whether a relationship, if it ends, was a waste of time. I was actually thinking more about Alex and me than my parents. It seems to fit for both situations. I mean, if you date someone and break up, did you just waste those months or years of your life? If you divorce, were all those years a waste of time just because the end result wasn't what it was originally intended to be? You become who you are because of the people with whom you spend time. You would be a different person if not for that relationship. I don't know... It seems like if you break up with someone you've been dating, you did waste time and energy you could of put into relationships with friends that probably would have lasted longer. And it kinda feels the same way with marriage, other than the fact that kids come out of marriage and they aren't a waste of time.
My dad said he doesn't feel his 30 years with my mom were a waste. The only thing he pointed to as evidence that they were not a waste was Mary and me. So if they had not had kids, would he still say the marriage was not a waste?
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
Romans 8:26-27
I was talking to my Dad yesterday over dinner and we started talking about the whole situation. I told him how I had been talking to Matt about whether a relationship, if it ends, was a waste of time. I was actually thinking more about Alex and me than my parents. It seems to fit for both situations. I mean, if you date someone and break up, did you just waste those months or years of your life? If you divorce, were all those years a waste of time just because the end result wasn't what it was originally intended to be? You become who you are because of the people with whom you spend time. You would be a different person if not for that relationship. I don't know... It seems like if you break up with someone you've been dating, you did waste time and energy you could of put into relationships with friends that probably would have lasted longer. And it kinda feels the same way with marriage, other than the fact that kids come out of marriage and they aren't a waste of time.
My dad said he doesn't feel his 30 years with my mom were a waste. The only thing he pointed to as evidence that they were not a waste was Mary and me. So if they had not had kids, would he still say the marriage was not a waste?
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
Romans 8:26-27
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Dreams, Counselors, Jobs
I had a really scary dream Monday night. I haven't had such a disturbing dream in my entire life.
My parents and I were at a "resort" (some dingy log cabins and an almost green pool) and lounging around the pool when I noticed there were also about three or four young couples with infants and toddlers at the pool. I tried to close the fence around the pool so that the children would not fall in, but I couldn't get the opening to close. Finally, a father came over and said that it would be ok and he would watch to make sure the kids did not come near the pool. Just as he was telling me this, I saw a baby boy crawling towards the edge of the pool. The boy fell in and the dad was gone. I tried to jump in the pool, but as soon as I hit the water, I realized I had a full-face motorcycle helmet on and my lungs burned for lack of air. I came up,struggled to pull the helmet off, then grabbed some goggle and dived under to where I had last seen the boy. I came up with what I thought was the boy, but when I looked, it was nothing more than a baby doll. I dived down twice more and came up with the same kind of doll each time. I finally gave up and decided there must not have been any baby that fell into the pool in the first place.
Still in the pool, my grandfather came up to me and cornered me to tell me, "if you are going to f*** anybody, f*** me." My grandmother was a little behind him, and looked at me as if this was the most normal thing for a grandfather to say. My grandpa then repeated it and I tried frantically to swim away, feeling vulnerable and dirty. He had said it with a smile, in a very polite and congenial tone. It was so scary.
Back in the hotel room, I tried to explain to my parents what had happened and told them that we couldn't stay at the resort another night. They said that we had to stay one more night, otherwise it would make it obvious why we were leaving. I realized they would not give in and resigned myself to the idea that I would have to wait until the morning to leave.
The next thing I know, I was eating appetizers with my parents at our house, waiting for my grandparents to arrive for dinner. When they did arrive, my grandpa began to ask if he could take me [alone] to dinner. My mother said absolutely not and was very stern about it and asked him to leave. My father softly told my grandfather that taking me out to dinner would not be possible. My grandfather then tried to persuade my parents to give him a key to the house, just in case we ever got locked out. My parents did not believe him (I was panicked and rooted to the floor, unable to move except to look at my parents and plead for him to go with my eyes).
My grandparents finally left, but soon after, a man came to our door claiming to be a maintenance man of some sort, asking for a key to the house. I recognized him as a friend of my grandfather's and quickly informed my parents not to give him a key. My mom made him leave. However, a minute later we heard a knock on the door and we opened it to find the same friend of my grandpa's standing there, holding a key to our house. That's when I realized I had left my car unlocked and a house key inside of it.
Then I woke up. It was so scary. I debated whether I should call Alex or my mom. I would have called Alex, but I wanted someone who would be able to physically hold me and Alex didn't have his cell that night 'cus he was at his mom's (I would have had to call his mom's house phone, which is in her room, meaning i would have woken her up at 5am to walk upstairs and wake alex up to talk to me). So I walked to my mom's room, where she prayed for me. I slept there until 6:30am, when I had to get up for work.
Earlier that night, I had not been able to sleep until 3am because of horrible cramps (why did God burden girls so?). So you can only guess how hard it was for me not to cry during the day. It was my first day working 7 hours at camp, then working 4.5 hours and sunglass hut. In between jobs, I met with a woman named Dawn for counseling. Shelly recommended her and Paul's sister has also gone to her. While explaining to her about my parents and school and everything that I could think of about my life, I just bawled. I had no mascara on by the end of the 50 minutes. I had already cried that morning when I was driving to camp (a slower worship song came on and I just couldn't help myself, being so tired and stressed with the new jobs and trying to figure out that dream from the night before.) All in all, this has been one crazy week and I am about to do another 60+ hour week starting tomorrow. One down, seven more to go. Then I get to fly up to Indiana and see Alex for two days. I wish that weekend with Alex were closer.
My parents and I were at a "resort" (some dingy log cabins and an almost green pool) and lounging around the pool when I noticed there were also about three or four young couples with infants and toddlers at the pool. I tried to close the fence around the pool so that the children would not fall in, but I couldn't get the opening to close. Finally, a father came over and said that it would be ok and he would watch to make sure the kids did not come near the pool. Just as he was telling me this, I saw a baby boy crawling towards the edge of the pool. The boy fell in and the dad was gone. I tried to jump in the pool, but as soon as I hit the water, I realized I had a full-face motorcycle helmet on and my lungs burned for lack of air. I came up,struggled to pull the helmet off, then grabbed some goggle and dived under to where I had last seen the boy. I came up with what I thought was the boy, but when I looked, it was nothing more than a baby doll. I dived down twice more and came up with the same kind of doll each time. I finally gave up and decided there must not have been any baby that fell into the pool in the first place.
Still in the pool, my grandfather came up to me and cornered me to tell me, "if you are going to f*** anybody, f*** me." My grandmother was a little behind him, and looked at me as if this was the most normal thing for a grandfather to say. My grandpa then repeated it and I tried frantically to swim away, feeling vulnerable and dirty. He had said it with a smile, in a very polite and congenial tone. It was so scary.
Back in the hotel room, I tried to explain to my parents what had happened and told them that we couldn't stay at the resort another night. They said that we had to stay one more night, otherwise it would make it obvious why we were leaving. I realized they would not give in and resigned myself to the idea that I would have to wait until the morning to leave.
The next thing I know, I was eating appetizers with my parents at our house, waiting for my grandparents to arrive for dinner. When they did arrive, my grandpa began to ask if he could take me [alone] to dinner. My mother said absolutely not and was very stern about it and asked him to leave. My father softly told my grandfather that taking me out to dinner would not be possible. My grandfather then tried to persuade my parents to give him a key to the house, just in case we ever got locked out. My parents did not believe him (I was panicked and rooted to the floor, unable to move except to look at my parents and plead for him to go with my eyes).
My grandparents finally left, but soon after, a man came to our door claiming to be a maintenance man of some sort, asking for a key to the house. I recognized him as a friend of my grandfather's and quickly informed my parents not to give him a key. My mom made him leave. However, a minute later we heard a knock on the door and we opened it to find the same friend of my grandpa's standing there, holding a key to our house. That's when I realized I had left my car unlocked and a house key inside of it.
Then I woke up. It was so scary. I debated whether I should call Alex or my mom. I would have called Alex, but I wanted someone who would be able to physically hold me and Alex didn't have his cell that night 'cus he was at his mom's (I would have had to call his mom's house phone, which is in her room, meaning i would have woken her up at 5am to walk upstairs and wake alex up to talk to me). So I walked to my mom's room, where she prayed for me. I slept there until 6:30am, when I had to get up for work.
Earlier that night, I had not been able to sleep until 3am because of horrible cramps (why did God burden girls so?). So you can only guess how hard it was for me not to cry during the day. It was my first day working 7 hours at camp, then working 4.5 hours and sunglass hut. In between jobs, I met with a woman named Dawn for counseling. Shelly recommended her and Paul's sister has also gone to her. While explaining to her about my parents and school and everything that I could think of about my life, I just bawled. I had no mascara on by the end of the 50 minutes. I had already cried that morning when I was driving to camp (a slower worship song came on and I just couldn't help myself, being so tired and stressed with the new jobs and trying to figure out that dream from the night before.) All in all, this has been one crazy week and I am about to do another 60+ hour week starting tomorrow. One down, seven more to go. Then I get to fly up to Indiana and see Alex for two days. I wish that weekend with Alex were closer.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Good Words
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
-Matthew 6:6 (KJV)
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
-Jim Elliot
Wherever you are -be all there.
-Jim Elliot
-Matthew 6:6 (KJV)
He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
-Jim Elliot
Wherever you are -be all there.
-Jim Elliot
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