Philosophy of Edu.

Today I started my Philosophy of Education for my Intro to Ed class. I was having trouble figuring out just what I believe the curriculum aspect of my philosophy should be (why I think what I teach is valuable). I came up with the paragraph below.

Social studies is a vital key to understanding humanity and the “how” and “why” of past events. When the decisions and events of the past are more clearly understood, it is easier to comprehend why the world, a country, or a community is in its current state. Armed with knowledge of how the conditions of today have come into existence, the path for the future and the ramifications of future choices becomes much less ambiguous. History and other fields of social studies, as well as decisions in life, tend to be relatively subjective and so developing problem solving skills and the tools needed to make informed decisions should be taught in such classes. To make wise decisions, students should have good character and ethics. Of course, fine character may not be taught at home, so studying “great men and women” and important turns of events of today and yesterday are needed in order to produce moral and ethical students. Focusing on controversial events and topics and developing students’ own opinions requires integrating knowledge from multiple disciplines to ensure an informed view. Higher level thinking is encouraged when students are engaged in combining various disciplines and using problem solving skills to form their own opinions.

Dear Dad

Today in adolescent learner we talked about homosexuality. We talked about how 28% of gay men have had over 1,000 partners and I thought about how mom said you were one of those 28%. We talked about how there are countless people who say that they have been able to turn from homosexuality, or "cure" themselves with the help of psychologists. Why doesn't God like homosexuality? What is so wrong about it that it offends God and goes against His nature? If some psychologists claim a 65% success rate of helping people get out of homosexuality, what's going on with the other 35%? Does the other 35% not want to be heterosexual badly enough? Are they not trying hard enough? Are they struggling with being gay for a different reason than the people who are able to turn away from it? More specifically, why have you been struggling with it so long? Why hasn't God helped you? You have gone to so many conferences and psychologists, read so many books, been to so many support groups, why do other people claim success when you keep struggling?

Mom has told me that your father did a horrible job of showing his love for you, in addition to never telling you that he loved you until you were over 50. Mom has also told me that you were sexually abused by your own grandfather when you were young. I know that you were an alcoholic and a frat boy in college, but never had sex because you weren't attracted to women. Instead, you went steady with good, christian girls who were happy to be dating a guy who didn't want to have sex with them. From what I have overheard, been told, and observed, grandma and grandpa had a very platonic relationship. Grandpa would give up anything for grandma, but didn't seem to be passionate about her. He did all the right things, but there never seemed to be any love behind them, just perfunctory obedience to what a husband should do. I felt like you were the same. No desire, no burning love or desire, no passion, just really good and honorable actions. Nothing bad, but nothing wonderful. Just there. No holding hands, no helping with the dishes; you did read to me at night for a little while, and that is one of the things that I cherish about growing up -especially the times you let me read, even if it irritated you because I read so slowly.

I read recently that girls whose fathers were more physically affectionate have higher self esteem. My friend Sara Menshouse was describing how she misses her dad so much and loves that she can go home over fall break and just watch a movie and cuddle up with him. I have been feeling so desperate for male approval and can't help but wonder how our relationship has effected that. When mom told me, I felt as if someone had killed the father for which I had always hoped. I had always felt like there had been the smallest chance that I would not only be told that I was loved, but really be loved; that day I felt like that chance was smashed to millions of pieces. I had no other words to describe how I felt except, "I feel like he died."

My freshman year of college, I began to realize that I did not feel worthy of love, or loveable for that matter. I felt conflicted that Alex would want to date me when I had not even baked a cake for him or given him a ride anywhere in my car. How I feel about myself is not your fault, but I do feel that our family's dynamics were a big part in it. My view of what a marriage should be is so skewed. I know in my that spouses should have fairly independent worlds, but should still be an inseparable part of each other's worlds; in reality, I am finding hard to get a balance between not being a part at all of Alex's life and him being everything in my life. I also have a hard time with just what to expect out of marraige and how a guy should treat me. I don't want to be alright with a guy not helping me out with dishes. I don't want to be alright with a guy putting his friends above me; I want to be the most important thing, but then at the same time I do not want to be the only thing. Because of the relationship between you and mom, I do not have any idea how this balance should be between men and women.

It makes me sad that, up until a few months ago, I just assumed that not kissing, holding each other, holding hands, or having sex was just a normal part of marriage after kids. As I have talked with people at Asbury, I have learned that couples with kids at all ages are still attracted to each other.

I feel like your spending of money on cars and technology is selfish. You always bought cars for yourself, but never for mom. The most recent car she got was not even the one she really wanted. And the computers you buy the family are never very good. The computer you bought mom and mary was a laptop with almost no hard drive or memory, when they specifically asked for a desk top with lots of space on it. Why you didn't buy Mary and mom what they wanted -it was no more expensive than what you bought- is beyond me. I can only assume that you thought your opinion was better and that, because you wanted a laptop, mom and Mary would want a lap top (even though they told you they wanted a desk top).

I sometimes feel like I am looking for a father, not a boyfriend/husband, that I am expecting a boyfriend to be a father and not a boyfriend. He can't fill that role for me, but I still look to other men to take the on that role.

I wish you would have spent more time with us. Instead of sitting on your computer most nights, you could have gotten to know me. I don't really think it was the lack of time we spent together (because, frankly, I was busy), but more the lack of deep interest in me that I perceived from you. Could you tell me my favorite book, if asked you? Did you know that I think stuffed animals are a waste of space? How about that I go through food obsessions every once in a while (peanut butter, rice, smoothies, etc)? Did you know that one of my top goals is in life is to see the Northern Lights? Thank you for coming to my voice recitals, school plays, soccer games talent shows, and all the other crazy things I participated in.

I am afraid I have lost faith in marriage. I don't know if this hopelessness or temporary or permanent. It just seems so crazy to burden oneself with another sinful, messed up person for the rest of one's life. People constantly change, especially in the teen years and twenties. If I am going to change, and another person is going to change, or one of us is not being honest about who we really are (like you were with mom, who apparently was blind and never picked up on anything), what's the point of making a commitment to someone if they will be a different person a few years later?

Thank you for coming home every night and providing money for our family.

Between Sisters

My sister replied to my message (the message that I posted earlier/yesterday) and I have decided to post her reply and my response.

Sister:
I haven't actually been in daddy's new place yet, just seen the outside. I'm crazy busy lately. It's like a townhouse/condo like he had. How did talking with dad go? I've been alright. A little busy, definitely stressed.
Last weekend I got to go to homecoming though, which was amazing :] And this weekend we have a Set Up crew overnighter. Oh, and today we have off school! Woo! Except i'm spending the day at the doctors and doing a project for AP. Dawns has been going well, I didn't go to group last night since I wanted to go hang out with some people for our day off. I still havent had just one on one session with Dawn but I think I am going to start some. Last week I ended up crying in group again when we were talking about family, which was a little weird, but also nice. Dad hasn't said anything about it really since the first time he tried talking. But I haven't really talked to him much either? Aha, mom is definitely driving me crazy. She is out every night with this Ernie guy and always on the phone with him, talking about him etc. Last night I blew up at her about it because I was out with friends and she was supposed to pick me up and the place was closing. Neither her nor dad would pick up their phones so I had to ask to go home with Nicole because she was the only person there I knew. Then Nicole was going home wit this girl I didnt know who's mom yelled at her for having another person in the car and I felt horrible. Then Nicole didn't go to her own house but to another girls house I didnt know whose mom also got mad at her. So after that whole ordeal I basically let mom have it. Especially since Saturday she came home after I was asleep so I told her I didn't like that on Sunday, then that night she comes home after I'm asleep again. But yeah, the whole Ernie thing is kind of annoying. Especially since he's really old, so it's like she's basically a golddigger, and she is still going to dinner with Jack too. Then she won't let me tell dad she's out with Ernie so I have to make up excuses for her. Ok-now my rant is over, lol. What's going on in my mind? Hmm. Well, I'm sort of stressed about school and grades. I'm not hating school, but I'm not loving it. The work isn't bad, but the people I hang out with are just like "I hang out with you because I know you, you're ok, and there is no one else." And because of stress and a soy allergy I think, I've been kind of sick lately. There's some Jordan/Megan/Nicole drama going on, which I am just trying to basically ignore as much as possible. There's not too much else. I miss you like crazy. It would be sooo much better if you were here :/ So we could make fun of mom and her old guys together, aha :P



I think it's cool that you guys are doing the kissing fast. Then you can be sure that you really like each other, even when you can't be physical. So how are you and Alex doing? How is school/practicum/therapy/s

wimming/etc going?


I Love You,
Mary ♥

---------------------------------------------------

Me:

Hallo dahling,
It is getting a little chilly up herein Kentucky and I am pulling out my light jackets so that I do not freeze. I am kind of dreading the winter -I remember days when I was walking to class and wanted to cry because all I wanted to do was be inside and out of the cold. However, my new red coat will make the frigid conditions a little more bearable.

Practicum is fun. I am going to try and bake brownies for Mr/ Zeitz's class, but I can't find a pan:(. I wish I just had a fully stocked kitchen at my disposal, but I do not cook enough to be able to have that in my dorm room (all those pans, utensils, and ingredients would take up so much space in my tiny room!). I only have 3 days left at East Jessamine High and then I start my last half of practicum in Fayette county, but I am not sure what school it will be at yet.

I went to the orthopedic surgeon yesterday in Danville to hear him tell me that there is nothing wrong with my knee except that it is healing exceptionally slowly. He said it could be until December or January that I am well enough to begin running:(. In the meanwhile, I am swimming a mile every morning, lifting weights, and stretching. I keep having dream about biking though... I either find a beautiful bike on the road, someone gives me a beautiful bike, or I somehow get enough money to buy myself a nice road bike. I want a bike. However, if I get a nice bike, I have to figure out where exactly I can ride around here and I need the helmet, the little tight outfit, the shoes that clip in, and all that other good stuff that goes along with starting a new hobby. Eventually, I want to get into training for a triathlon. I have the swimming down, I will be able to get back into running easily (hopefully), and biking does not seem all that intimidating.

I can't believe mom is being so irresponsible and leaving you alone so much! Well, the leaving you alone I can see, I mean, you are old enough to be independent. But leaving you alone to stay out multiple nights a week with an old guy? -Ew.
You know what makes me mad? When mom and dad introduced this whole idea to us last year in October, they said they would only separate for a year and then they would discuss what to do from there. Well, it's been a year exactly this week and they have definitely not kept their word -well, mom has not kept her word, dad would have like to have stayed just separated. Instead of separation only, mom has gone ahead and gotten the entire divorce official and is already dating a guy!

It's funny that dad was the one so adamant that he was going to find someone else, and mom was the one saying she didn't want to find someone and she just wanted to focus on us. It's funny 'cus dad is the one who hasn't even been looking for another woman (as far as I know) and mom is the one who is already dating. I wish mom would get over not wanting to tell dad about Ernie. She knows dad will be mad/hurt, but I think she also knows that it is kind of wrong or w/e and so is not telling dad for both of those reasons.

How is church going (summit and northland)? IS dad seeing anyone or thinking about it? Do you think he'll be hurt when he finds out about mom? I wish you could come live with me. It might be a boring social life, since you would not really get off campus or out of Wilmore except when I go to church on Sundays, but it would be fun. I know that I was so much more stressed being around mom at home this summer than I am when I am at school with 5 or 6 papers breathing down my neck. Tell me all about your day, your thoughts, or whatever you want to bake/cook tonight (I want a crock pot so that I can make Apple Chicken Stew).