Boarding School, Marriage

The boarding school my sister has been considering called her the other night and let her know that she got a HUGE scholarship. Such a large scholarship that would enable my sister to live in Tennessee for most of the year is apparently a deciding factor in whether my mom will marry Ernie.

My mom is planning on selling her house and finding a new home with Ernie.

She doesn't love him. She has admitted that. She is marrying him because he is nice, safe, and financially well-off. Really, those are the only reasons. No love whatsoever.

Now that my mom doesn't have to worry (in her mind) about how her living with Ernie will affect marry 'cus Mary is going to boarding school, my mom can marry him.

Not My Own

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I was on my knees this morning, praying to God and feeling so unworthy. I didn't even want to ask for forgiveness -I have fallen so many times in the same place, the same sin, knowing what I was doing and not caring how it affected Him or my soul at the time of the act. I barely talked to Him during the 5 weeks I was allowed to exercise, but of course I run to him and spend hours with Him during my weeks I take off exercise because I can't do it without him. I feel like scum for only spending time with Him when I can so clearly see my need for him, when I don't have my crutch of exercise to lean on. I told Him all of that and then asked Him if there was anyway I could get out of no-exercise this week. I said I didn't think it was really a big deal and I could just do it every 8 weeks instead of every 6 weeks and that the past week had been very hard even when I was exercising.

I then read My Upmost For His Highest's entry today. It was all about completely giving our lives to Christ and how there is no way to truly follow Him and glorify Him without doing so -or at least, that is what I got out of March 21's entry. It was a pretty clear answer, "No Amy, you cannot exercise this week. Your body is not yours and you have no right to do what you want with it. It is mine and I love you. In order to serve me completely and to know me, you must give your body and your desires to do what you want with your body to me, so that you can find complete freedom in me and that you can walk in the ways that I have planned for you. There is no way around it; you either trust me with everything (including your body), or you don't."

I need His help this week. I am in awe of the idea that He loves me so much and cares for me, even when I constantly run from Him and spit in His face. He will give me His strength, His faith, and I have no idea why. I am so undeserving, but He continues to give.

Self Respect

I could never kiss Austin. Not now, not until he is older and ready to be in a relatonship with me. I cherish him too much. I wish I would cherish myself that much.

Last night, I hurt an old friend when I kissed him out of just friendly affection, and he took it the wrong way. I think I broke his heart. I didn't know my action would hurt him so deeply.

I felt so horrible that my mind twisted and told me that two wrongs make a right. I wanted to forget about what I had done to my friend and so, when my other friend called me up and asked if I wanted to come over and "do stuff," I said yes. I wanted to do be physical with the second guy 'cus I felt like it would help me forget about the first. I was so wrong.

Racing...?

So it's Spring Break. As usual, I am working out at the local LA Fitness gym. I was going about my usual work out, doing a 400 for warm up, 2 sets of 3x100 on 1:40 and a 200 IM (it was a short day 'cus I am teaching a friend how to swim later). I finish the first 3x100 and was breathless, when all of the sudden the woman in the lane next to me starts telling me, "you're being so rude, swimming that fast, this isn't the swim team you know, I am 56 and can only go so fast." I thought she was kidding, so I joked back and said, "well, I am only 20, so I think you're doing quite well" and then giggled.

Apparently she wasn't kidding. She started getting even angrier, going on again about how I was so rude and how I was trying to race her and make her feel bad, but that she wouldn't let me make her feel bad because she was a better person than me. The whole thing was so ridiculous. All I could say was, "I was swimming my own set, paying no attention to you, and I have every right to swim as fast as I want when I want as you do." Then I started on my 200 IM.

Seriously, how could someone be that insecure to think that I was trying to race them? The idea is absurd. No one tries to race anyone at the gym -I swim a lot and that has never happened.

It made for an interesting morning, haha. I just couldn't get over the fact that she was acting so ridiculously (in a good way, I was laughing.) I was also proud that I at least came up with something to say back to her.

Spring Break, Catch Up

It's been a while... lots of things have happened in the meantime, but not too many that my life has changed drastically.

My car is in the repair shop, so I am driving a super fun Dodge Charger around Orlando this week and love it. I am not sure if I could permanently drive a car though. My mini SUV, affectionately known as Elsy, still has my heart.

As an update, the career fair didn't go too well. The woman at the booth was almost on the rude side and was not able to answer my questions. She even implied that if I gave her my resume, she would just throw it out. I was quite disappointed.

Today is different though. I am "going" to a virtual career fair for the employers that I am interested in. Afterwards, I will take the GRE and then, as a prize for finishing the day, my sister and I are going to see Ben Folds at the House of Blues. Today is gonna be busy, but good.

Just in an update on my life, I got to ride on Alec Davis' motorcycle last night. I finally got a hold of him to ask if we could hang out while I am on Spring Break (which is this week) and he said yes. We agreed that he would pick me up on his motorcycle and we would go see a movie. I hadn't realized it, but he only owned helmet prior to a few hours before picking me up. He went out and bought a helmet just for me -those things aren't cheap! He is so sweet. Not the guy for me, but definitely sweet and a great friend. I gave him a goodnight kiss/peck when we were standing in the driveway saying goodnight. He got so excited that he picked me up and carried me to my door, haha.