However, planning a fake wedding is very different from planning and/or attending a real wedding. Real weddings are not as much fun. In fact, although they are sweet, they are so bitter. I go mostly because I want to critique the event, not because I want to see a happy couple make a public statement of their commitment.
Weddings hurt. How on earth did this girl find a guy who she is attracted to, let alone can have a conversation with? I am glad for them, really. But I don't really want to have to witness them being happy. I suppose that is selfish or a sign of being wounded probably. It's not jealousy though. It's sadness.
I haven't been able to hear about someone falling in love or getting married and genuinely be happy and sadness-free since my break up with "he-who-must-not-be-named." In January, it will be two years since then. I want to be happy for my friends, but when I hear them bubbling over with happiness at something their boyfriend/fiancée/husband did, my heart doesn't automatically jump up, it sinks. Maybe once that doesn't happen, and my first reactions is to truly rejoice with them, then I will find someone.
I just have this sinking feeling that I will not get married until I am 30. Everyone tells me that is not true, that I am "ripe for the picking," or "such a catch" that it would be impossible for me to get married so late. But being nice and pretty or whatever has nothing to do getting married. It's about timing and finding the right person. Sure, lots of guys think I am nice and/or pretty, but how many of them can I carry on a conversation with, can love me and I them, are following God, and actually want to marry me and I them? Not any of them so far. And there is a good chance that all of those things won't align for a while, no matter how much a of a "catch" I am.
And it's not only that they have found a best friend with whom them want to do life with and start a family with, but they also get to have sex. I know, that seems rather trivial, but trying to wait until marriage is so hard once it feels like all of your friends have either a.) had sex, b.) are engaged and going to have sex soon, or c.) married and have had sex. It sucks. Major. There's no one to talk about it with, get excited about the wedding night with, or wonder about it or yearn for it with because everyone has done it and it's old news to them.
