I was writing a 2 page essay on child soldiering for class and, while proofreading my work, decided I really liked this sentence:
The desperation for control by rebels and government, the devaluing of human rights and the despondency of poverty make a dangerous combination that easily results in child soldiering.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Hugs.
hey girl,
I just got back on campus (left at 7:45 this morning) and am soooo tired! I should be trying to do some school work in the half hour that I have before practicum (observing in the high school), but I can't bring myself to start something just for 30 minutes.
I wish you could have been with me today as I was driving to the doctor's office. I took all these lil country roads and it was beautiful! The trees were red and orange, the rolling hills had sunlight spilling onto them from breaks in the clouds. I got a teeny bit lost and had to stop in this cute diner for directions -I wish I could have stayed for some of the pancakes they were making.
Looking into the valley and seeing the beautiful Kentucky landscape reminded me just how beauty can be awe-inspiring, but terrifying (like God).
I talked to dad for the first time last night since he found out that we know. We talked about grandma, the economy, and his new place. Have you been over to his new house? Is it a house or a condo? We could have a sleepover there this winter break; girly 80's movies, paint our nails, eat popcorn -or better yet, make chocolate covered popcorn!- the whole shabang.
How are you girl? What's been happening with Dawn and that group of girls on Monday nights? Dad getting any better about just letting it lie low for a while? Is mom driving you crazy or has she given you a little reprieve from her woes? What is with this Ernie Fryer and her? She says they are dating. That is so weird. He's freaking old. And he makes her breakfast? She said she even bought an evening gown for when he takes her out somewhere. -In otherwords, what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?
I love you,
Your Big Sis.
P.S.
Alex and I started a fast from kissing this weekend. It will end November 15, our one year. Not sure if you really wanted to know that, but I needed to tell someone and feel awkward telling anyone else. Alex and I both started thinking about it independently, which I think is pretty cool. When I brought it up 2 weeks ago, he said that he had been thinking the same thing for a few weeks but felt silly about suggesting it because not many couples would want to do something like that and he didn't want to make me feel like he was not attracted to me.
I just got back on campus (left at 7:45 this morning) and am soooo tired! I should be trying to do some school work in the half hour that I have before practicum (observing in the high school), but I can't bring myself to start something just for 30 minutes.
I wish you could have been with me today as I was driving to the doctor's office. I took all these lil country roads and it was beautiful! The trees were red and orange, the rolling hills had sunlight spilling onto them from breaks in the clouds. I got a teeny bit lost and had to stop in this cute diner for directions -I wish I could have stayed for some of the pancakes they were making.
Looking into the valley and seeing the beautiful Kentucky landscape reminded me just how beauty can be awe-inspiring, but terrifying (like God).
I talked to dad for the first time last night since he found out that we know. We talked about grandma, the economy, and his new place. Have you been over to his new house? Is it a house or a condo? We could have a sleepover there this winter break; girly 80's movies, paint our nails, eat popcorn -or better yet, make chocolate covered popcorn!- the whole shabang.
How are you girl? What's been happening with Dawn and that group of girls on Monday nights? Dad getting any better about just letting it lie low for a while? Is mom driving you crazy or has she given you a little reprieve from her woes? What is with this Ernie Fryer and her? She says they are dating. That is so weird. He's freaking old. And he makes her breakfast? She said she even bought an evening gown for when he takes her out somewhere. -In otherwords, what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?
I love you,
Your Big Sis.
P.S.
Alex and I started a fast from kissing this weekend. It will end November 15, our one year. Not sure if you really wanted to know that, but I needed to tell someone and feel awkward telling anyone else. Alex and I both started thinking about it independently, which I think is pretty cool. When I brought it up 2 weeks ago, he said that he had been thinking the same thing for a few weeks but felt silly about suggesting it because not many couples would want to do something like that and he didn't want to make me feel like he was not attracted to me.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Talk it Out
I just talked to Alex about how I was feeling and how I was freaking out all because I was scared of marriage. I realized I need to just enjoy the moment, enjoy having him in my life at this time and just let things be. I don't need to plan out everything right now. I can just live and be happy in the present every once in a while.
Relationships
It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.
We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.
I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.
I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.
We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.
Go cry about it - why don't you?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room,
Burning room.
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
"Slow Dancing in a Burning Room", John Mayer
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think Alex and I will need to part ways in the future, but I'm not ready yet. I need to build up an alternative world (as opposed to my world being him) before I let go of him. Or, we could just be going through a rough time. It just seems like every time we hang out, we end up making each other angry or hurt or ticked off.
I love Alex, but I don't think I could marry him. Maybe I have just become dependent on his presence. I seem to want to be with him so much more than he wants to be with me. He said he was really glad I was not trying to hang out with every day this week, but I hated every moment of not being able to see him for 2 and 3 days straight. He said he would have broken up with me if I was that obsessed. Is that a bad thing to want? To want to see him at least once every day, even if just for 10 minutes in the Student Center?
Sometimes his dis-like of the city, his criticism of the way I spend my money, his refusal to live south of Indiana, and his boring diet of only foods that are found at Longhorn, Outback, or Applebee seriously ticks me off. He refuses to even try soup! He won't go to Panera at all, just digs his heels in the ground.
At the same time, he is really sweet. He picks me up in his car for church, he ate all the food I made at his mom's house, he bakes with me, he was willing (though not happy) to go downtown with me, he bought me Godiva chocolate, he bought me Juno, he tells me I'm beautiful, he doesn't mind me being silly or stupid, he helped me swim properly.
I'm finding myself annoyed with everyone lately. I may be a little depressed from all the emotional upheavals of this summer. I don't want to hang out with anyone, I don't want to go to meals -I just want to be in my room, eat alone, and focus on school work. I feel like I have no friends.
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.
We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.
I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.
I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.
We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.
Go cry about it - why don't you?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room,
Burning room.
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
"Slow Dancing in a Burning Room", John Mayer
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think Alex and I will need to part ways in the future, but I'm not ready yet. I need to build up an alternative world (as opposed to my world being him) before I let go of him. Or, we could just be going through a rough time. It just seems like every time we hang out, we end up making each other angry or hurt or ticked off.
I love Alex, but I don't think I could marry him. Maybe I have just become dependent on his presence. I seem to want to be with him so much more than he wants to be with me. He said he was really glad I was not trying to hang out with every day this week, but I hated every moment of not being able to see him for 2 and 3 days straight. He said he would have broken up with me if I was that obsessed. Is that a bad thing to want? To want to see him at least once every day, even if just for 10 minutes in the Student Center?
Sometimes his dis-like of the city, his criticism of the way I spend my money, his refusal to live south of Indiana, and his boring diet of only foods that are found at Longhorn, Outback, or Applebee seriously ticks me off. He refuses to even try soup! He won't go to Panera at all, just digs his heels in the ground.
At the same time, he is really sweet. He picks me up in his car for church, he ate all the food I made at his mom's house, he bakes with me, he was willing (though not happy) to go downtown with me, he bought me Godiva chocolate, he bought me Juno, he tells me I'm beautiful, he doesn't mind me being silly or stupid, he helped me swim properly.
I'm finding myself annoyed with everyone lately. I may be a little depressed from all the emotional upheavals of this summer. I don't want to hang out with anyone, I don't want to go to meals -I just want to be in my room, eat alone, and focus on school work. I feel like I have no friends.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Passion
what I don't understand is how they can be so convicted and passionate about something that is not real.
If they are so moved by a deity that is not, could we also be equally assured and emotional about a deity that is not?
I just don't understand how Muslims can appear equally as commited to Allah as we are to Jesus, but only one is true.
We can say "they are the ones that have been decieved", but they say the same thing about us! It's kinda scary
Faith... blah. why can't we have proof?
If they are so moved by a deity that is not, could we also be equally assured and emotional about a deity that is not?
I just don't understand how Muslims can appear equally as commited to Allah as we are to Jesus, but only one is true.
I guess I am thinking about it a lot because I am reading so much about the middle east and Islam.
The only explanation i come up with is the "Religion is an opiate for the masses" kind of thing
We can say "they are the ones that have been decieved", but they say the same thing about us! It's kinda scary
Faith... blah. why can't we have proof?
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Matching Pumas
I decided to skip artist series Friday night. It was such a hard decision -Alex actually wanted to go! But my desire to be involved with The Vineyard and join this all girls, young adult Bible study won out. I didn't know anyone who would be there. When all the girls showed up, I recognized one from my sociology class last semester, but had never seen the other 2 Asbury girls and 2 EKU girls. I started to cry halfway through our discussion because I began to think about my dad. My mom told him Saturday that I knew about his struggle (when I cried friday night, saturday was still to come, obviously). They prayed for me right in the middle of the study. Afterwards, I told them what was going on during prayer requests. It was a little embarassing to cry during the first meeting of the study, but I am glad I went.
After the study and after Alex got out of Artist Series, we drove to Icthus and I cried/sobbed/yelled in his arms about my dad. My whole body shook with gasps and my cheeks were streaked with tears. I needed it though. I am so thankful Alex was there. I need God more than I need Alex, obviously, but sometimes it is just easier to cry in Alex's physical arms.
Oh, and funny thing happened today: Alex and I both wanted shoes and so we drove to Shoe Carnival to pick some out. He knew that he wanted Pumas, I knew that I wanted stylish black sneakers so I could be comfortable and still formal enough for practicum. He went to Mens and I went to Womens -we came back with exact same pair of Pumas. According to Leiza, our pastor at church, Kevin, also has the same exact pair, haha. We both liked them and bought them, even if we will look funny when we wear them together. They were the same price, same style -only difference was the sizes. Below: picture of our shoes.
After the study and after Alex got out of Artist Series, we drove to Icthus and I cried/sobbed/yelled in his arms about my dad. My whole body shook with gasps and my cheeks were streaked with tears. I needed it though. I am so thankful Alex was there. I need God more than I need Alex, obviously, but sometimes it is just easier to cry in Alex's physical arms.
Oh, and funny thing happened today: Alex and I both wanted shoes and so we drove to Shoe Carnival to pick some out. He knew that he wanted Pumas, I knew that I wanted stylish black sneakers so I could be comfortable and still formal enough for practicum. He went to Mens and I went to Womens -we came back with exact same pair of Pumas. According to Leiza, our pastor at church, Kevin, also has the same exact pair, haha. We both liked them and bought them, even if we will look funny when we wear them together. They were the same price, same style -only difference was the sizes. Below: picture of our shoes.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
First Few Weeks Back.
Last night, Alex and I went out to PF Changs in celebration of the new school year. When we got out of dinner, it was raining pretty hard, so he volunteered to go get the car and pick me up -despite my suggestion that we could wait it out. While waiting, I heard a couple behind me talking. The girl was asking the guy to go get the car and the guy was saying, "no way, it's too wet. why don't we just wait it out? You can go get it if you want." I felt so proud of my man. When Alex picked me up, I told him about those couples and he said, "Did you tell them that your husband went to get the car?" -ohmyword, he got so red! He had meant to say "boyfriend," haha. I love it when he slips like that. I do it too sometimes. It's mortifying, but cute all at the same time.
The school year has started off pretty well. I cried a few nights, but I really believe that it was caused by a lot of the stress of moving back in and trying to settle back down into normal life again. Also, it didn't help that the first week I hardly got to see Alex because he was so busy with TAG. I felt like he was hanging out with his friends more than he was with me and got really insecure. I called him about it and we both started crying, of course, and so we met each other behind the science building and had a good talk about what we needed, what we wanted, where boundaries would be this year, and life in general. By boundaries, I am not talking just physical; I mean social boundaries mostly. For instance, how much time will we spend with others vs spending time with each other and if we will say "I love you" in public (we are not). Of course, the ever-present source of tension between us is the fact that I love to plan, schedule, and organize, and he hates to do anything of the sort, he loves spontaneity.
My classes aren't too bad... ha.
The school year has started off pretty well. I cried a few nights, but I really believe that it was caused by a lot of the stress of moving back in and trying to settle back down into normal life again. Also, it didn't help that the first week I hardly got to see Alex because he was so busy with TAG. I felt like he was hanging out with his friends more than he was with me and got really insecure. I called him about it and we both started crying, of course, and so we met each other behind the science building and had a good talk about what we needed, what we wanted, where boundaries would be this year, and life in general. By boundaries, I am not talking just physical; I mean social boundaries mostly. For instance, how much time will we spend with others vs spending time with each other and if we will say "I love you" in public (we are not). Of course, the ever-present source of tension between us is the fact that I love to plan, schedule, and organize, and he hates to do anything of the sort, he loves spontaneity.
My classes aren't too bad... ha.
- Study of History- read two novels about studying/writing/reviewing history, write a 25 page paper on any topic in history of your choice
- Adolescent Leaner- Reflection Paper, Research Paper, "hot topic in adolescence" paper and presentation
- Intro to Ed- endless amount of random, 2 page papers and various projects every week or so
- International Social Issues- read a novel and write a summary, two page papers and online discussions weekly.
- Hist. of Subsaharan Africa- read 3 novels
- Practicum- observe/help/participate in a high school classroom from 12:30-3:30 every Tuesday and Thursday.
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