Complications in Marraige Vs Dating

So when you are in a relationship, a dating relationship, are your deepest and darkest secrets just supposed to come spilling out of you? I mean, I always hear about married couples having to work at their relationships (to keep them close, not necessarily to keep them from falling apart -like preventive action), but do you have to do that for dating also? If you have to do that for dating, is it not worth it? I mean, should the perfect couple be fine and just always magically "click" at all times before marriage and only after the wedding have to try to feel comfortable about talking about certain things... gosh, I have no clue what things I am even referring to... I guess I am just wondering how much dynamics of a relationship do/should change after a wedding. I mean, are there certain things that, if they occur while you are dating, are a bad sign, but naturally come up during marriage? Logically, it would seem that if they come up during marriage, they should come up while you are dating and not doom the relationship...

Spontaneous Tears

What is with February/March? I always seem to be emotionally volatile more so during these months compared to the rest of the year. Is it that I have started the 2nd semester and the summer seems so far away, especially after such a short Christmas break that feels too long ago? Is it just some kind of educational anomie that gets me down and causes to randomly burst into tear for no known reason, and usually do so in very public places? -You know, I am beginning to think it is almost impossible for girls to not cry in public. There has to be some rule that says that girls have to cry at least once a year in public, if not more.

Anyway, lately I have found myself acting like an insecure teenager (maybe because I probably am one?). I find myself thinking, "Why isn't Alex at the game to watch me cheer? Half the swim team is here, why isn't he? Does he not enjoy watching me? Does he others things that are apparently more important than I am? I want him to cherish me -I can't be with a guy who doesn't cherish me. I want to be loved and know that I am loved; he doesn't come to my games... other guys would come to their girl's games." Yeah... I mean, he has a life. I'm glad he has a life. But I guess I just want a guy who thinks the world revolves around me... maybe that takes time for a get to get like...

Going back to my emotional instability: I cried during chapel Monday for no reason and even went to bed at 9pm (crazy early). I took a 2 hour nap Wednesday, slept through dinner, and wasn't even hungry because I had cried myself to sleep/nap and crying takes a lot out of you, including hunger. Yesterday I cried before the game because Cherise created so much drama with it and there were only 3 girls for the 2nd half to cheer. Then today I started crying before Womens Choir (the choir I am in) sang in chapel, cried after chapel/while I skipped Sociology and went running to try to get all of my frustration out, and then cried a little before Aural Training ( I skipped lunch, crying made me not hungry again). I pulled myself together though for Aural and Science class; I put on a crazy amount of make up, picked out a cute/off the shoulder shirt, did my hair very nicely, and put on some really tight jeans. I look cute, but trying compensating for how I feel by how I look doesn't quite work as well as I had hoped. I did get a lot of compliments on how nice I look today though.

Well, Friday is not yet over and I am going to force myself to eat dinner (otherwise, all I have had to eat today is a 120 calories Kashi bar before my 8 o'clock class. After dinner I will probably find a quiet spot in the Student Center and read Ivanhoe for Western Civ, do my diction/science/sociology homework, and finish up my melody and harmonization project for Dr. Bell. I wanted to watch the movie Once with Alex, but I don't know if I am emotionally stable to hang out for longer than half an hour with anyone.

Heres to Amy regaining her sanity (or what little I started with) ::tries to smile, but wonders it what she said is even possible::