Hiking

I have been talking to a dentist who I met swimming at the Luce. She is really nice, late 50's or early 60's, and is pretty active. We exchanged numbers today and made some plans to go hiking together in the future. She knows a lot about the Lexington area, so I am excited to get to spend time exploring the area and talking to her. God is really taking care of me this year; He brought me Sarah just before Christmas and it looks like He is bringing Amanda into my life now. I need an older, wiser woman who is close by (mentor relationships are so important). Just as Alex is leaving such an important position in my life, God is helping/guiding me through it by letting my path cross with some new people.

Oh, and P.S.,
There was an ice storm yesterday and lots of snow, so classes were canceled and I had my first snow day! I went sledding and even made snowman for the first time =).

And I bought an evening gown from Banana Republic last night, turquoise blue and sleeveless -Mary just said "retail therapy," haha

Movies

Movies offer:

Escape
Control (you know if the ending and the story is good, bad, what you want)
Explore
Stretch my understanding

Mrs. Wells

Some good wisdom that I got during winter break from Mrs. Wells. (I saved it in my phone and didn't get around to posting it until now)

1.) In your marriage, you will end up healing a lot of your childhood wounds.

2.) You can be on the path to marriage, but you can always turn off

3.) A break up with someone you love allows you to know that you can survive so that you can go into your next relationship more sure of yourself, more independent, and knowing you will not die without them.

4.) It's bad if you can't live without someone; what you should be looking for is a situation where you can't imagine your life/future without them.

My New List

Things I Want In A Significant Other Who May Eventually Become A Husband:
*I realize some of these come with time and do not happen immediately in a relationship

1. Loves God and goes to church voluntarily, without my urging
2. Does not avoid conflict in an unhealthy way
3. Easy to have a conversation with
4. I laugh a lot when he is around, fun to be around
5. Willing to attend things that I like, even when he doesn't have an interest in them
6. Adventurous
7. Financially wise (manages money well)
   
8. Honest, trustworthy, exhibits integrity
9. Likes physical activities such as rock climbing, hiking, or kayaking; interest in staying physically fit
10. Interested in doing devotions together
11. Listens to me
12. Wants to and believes he can stay pure until marriage
13. Respects my desires and my time
14. Doesn't care if I wear make up, loves me despite/not because of my looks
    
15. Notices the little things about me
16. Willing to try new things, eat new foods, go new places
17. Willing to travel
18. Supportive of my interests, hobbies, endeavors, career choices
19. Smart, intelligent, can be "deep" (what an ambiguous term...)
    
20. Has fairly good relations with and/or loves his family
    

--------------------

Here is my old list, from 2004, freshman year in high school

Things to Look For in a Guy
(future husband kind of guy)

1. Christian (strong faith)
2. Someone I can be open with
3. Believes/Lives out no forniication
4. Respects me (and others)
5. Affects my relationship with God *only* in positive ways
6. Makes me laugh
7. We can talk for hours
8. Knows how to put things in perspective
9. Knows when to be mature and when to be silly
10. Honest
11. Cares about what God thinks
12. Trustworthy
13. Spontaneous/Creative
14. Likes to camp ( I want to go camping!)
15. Won't pressure me
16. Can uphold a "deep/meaninggul" conversation

Single Again

He texted me that he wanted to talk and he would meet at my car.

I knew. I knew what was happening. I solemnly gathered his things in my weekender tote bag and walked to my car. He pulled his car up, put my big blue bin in my trunk and took his sleeping bag. He asked to me get in the car. We both kinda blurted it out at once: it wasn't working, we were fighting a lot, we weren't meant to be, we couldn't marry each other, it would never work out even if we kept trying, we just aren't "the one" for each other. We said we loved each other, we both said we were sorry, that we wish it didn't have to be that way, he drove me to my dorm, gave my back my car key, and we kissed goodbye with tears in our eyes.

Counseling

Me at the Natural History Museum in the DINOSAUR exhibit! Yay Dinosaurs!



almost broke up with Alex today. We talked things out after dinner and he agreed to come to counseling with me, so we did not. Throughout the day, I would randomly burst into tears at the slightest thought of him and the idea of breaking up with him, breaking up with a man I love. A friend came up behind me and hugged me and I thought it was Alex; when I realized she wasn't Alex, I started bawling (I was at the lunch table, surrounded by my friends on the left and some staff on the right). I cried in the shower after swimming. I cried this morning while getting ready to work out. I cried a lot at lunch even after the hug. Meh. I am going tomorrow to make the counseling appointment. He and I are both going, together.

If almost breaking up sucks this much and takes this much out of me, there is no way I can make it through a break up and still keep my head above water. Something will suffer, whether it be grades, my finances, my weight, or my friendships, if I go through a break up similar to today's "almost break up."


P.S.
D.C. was fun. Left 3 days before the inauguration, so no crazy crowds for me =). Met congresspeople, the senate chaplain, people working in the white house, people working for NGO's, people working in missions in the slums. It was neat. Even saw an outdoor skating rink and learned how to tie a scarf.

No.

I don't want to marry a straight version of my father.

bah

blah. Alex and I fight. I don't feel like he values me sometimes... a lot of the time. He picked me up from the airport Saturday night, we made out for 2 hours, then dropped me off at the dorm. He wouldn't go to lunch or dinner or church, or walmart, or even bother seeing me for 10 minutes on Sunday. Today, he saw me at dinner, that was all, he wouldn't hang out with me after dinner because he had more school work (that was his excuse yesterday). When I was in D.C., I felt like he didn't really want to be on the phone with me.

Stuck in the Middle

My mom and sister do not want to or do not feel comfortable talking to my dad. I am the only person who wants to talk to him and spend time with him. My sister does not want to spend time with my mom, in addition to her dislike of time with my dad. I feel like I am the messenger. I am the only one who would like to spend time with my mom, dad, and sister.

Sometimes, I miss Alex so much that I could cry. Tonight is one of those nights.

New Years Eve

btw, I went to a Pink Floyd tribute concert thing with Alec for New Year's Eve. Mom went to Interlochen with Ernie and then spent the night at his house, in the same bed (they went to bed at 10:30pm). -_-

Sister Talk

10:03pmAmy
mom is being irresponsible and almost neglectful, dad is in such emotional pain

10:03pmMary
pretty much

10:04pmAmy
it sucks, and mom is starting to call dad "your father" and beginning to not even want to talk to him

10:05pmMary
the "divorcedness" is setting in
even if she tries to deny it is

10:05pmAmy
I was actually naiive enough to think at the beginning of this that things would actually stay friendly between them

10:06pmMary
i did too, since our family was weird enough, and they didnt fight before the divorce much

Amy
yeah
but now all they do is get defensive over finances

10:07pmMary
yeah :/
and that whole "holidays together" thing isnt working out too well

10:10pmAmy
yeah
mom doesn't even go to church anymore. Is Ernie even a real Christian?

10:11pmMary
i dont think he is
and it bothers me
she barely ever goes, and even worse, she is usually at ernies during it

110:17pmAmy
I'm sorry I have set a bad example with Alex

10:17pmMary
amy, you seriously havent
dont even think about it that way
i know you would never do anthing like that, its just not you
and the circumstances are completely different
yeah!
I've noticed
she is such a BAD EXAMPLE!
now that I have seen mom sleeping with a guy who she is not married to and how immoral it is, I am going to stop sleeping in the same bed with Alex when we go to his mom's, even if it usually is an air matress in the living room right next to his mom's room
it's just not appropriate
if it's not appropriate for mom, it is not for me
I can't tell her it is inappropriate and then do it myself
(it should be the other way around! she should be the one setting the example for me not to do it!)

10:13pmMary
Dang! i just looked up and saw like a paragraph
lol
let me read a sec
i know
she should be the one going to church, and counceling, and coming home at a decent hour and being responsible to set an example for me
and i feel like she is acting like the teenager

10:17pmAmy
I'm sorry I have set a bad example with Alex

10:17pmMary
amy, you seriously havent
dont even think about it that way
i know you would never do anthing like that, its just not you
and the circumstances are completely different

Where My Heart Is

I want to go home. I'm lonely in Florida. Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Indiana.