1st Kiss=Parking Spot 187

So we went out to dinner with his family last night and during dinner I texted him askin if he wanted to go to dessert by ourselves afterwards and he said yes. So went to Starbucks and talked till 10:30, then went to Walmart and got a Queen CD and some cough drops 'cus Alex had a sore throat from breathing so hard at the swimmeet.
So we drove back to school, but got back like 15 minutes after curfew, so we were like "what the heck, might as well take our extensions", and called in from the freshman parking lot and said we were taking our extensions.
Well, we both wanted to listen to the Queen CD so we put it in and sat in my car holding hands, then about 20 minutes into it, he tried to get closer to me, but my car isn't really designed for that (he was like, "I just want to be close to you, but I don't know how in here"), so I moved over and sat on his lap in the passenger seat.
So we sat there for a while just holding each other, around 1:40 we realized that our extensions were up and neither of us wanted to leave... so we called in and said we would be "out late, past extension".
So around 2am the security car rolled around and scared us both, haha.
About 2:30 I put on my love songs playlists and I have no idea how, but all the sudden I just french kissed him.
It was so natural, I seriously didn't mean to kiss him, but I guess I had been biting his ear for a while.
So it kinda just happened, haha.
Apparently, I really like to bite and be bitten, I had no clue.
So we did that till about 4am, then fell asleep, then woke up at 5am, lied there till 5:30am, then he walked me back to my dorm.

Coming Home to Asbury

Reading Mark Buchanan’s book (Your God is Too Safe) makes me think a lot about loving others and being able to accept love from others. I don’t know if it’s because I just haven’t known Alex that long and so don’t really trust him yet (…do I fully trust any other human being though?), but I find myself not allowing myself to accept all the flirty/complimentary text messages he sends me. Last night he texted me that, even though he is bad at pool, he would teach me –his reasoning being that he would do anything for such a pretty girl. The night before he sent me a text saying “Go outside and look at the moon… It’s beautiful and so are you.” I don’t know if he was copying a lyric or what, but I found myself, instead of getting excited, questioning whether it was true. “Does he really believe that?” I asked myself.

Am I so scared of getting hurt that I won’t truly appreciate the compliments he gives me? I am afraid he is playing me, I guess, but boys don’t usually play their girlfriends. I don’t know if he is one of those guys who doesn’t attach much weight to the labels “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” though. I guess I’ll find out. I would assume, since we are no longer in high school and we are at Asbury of all places, that he would consider bf/gf labels as future spouse territory, right? I hope he is alright with God and growing spiritually. I probably should have waited to tell him yes, but it did –and still does- seem like the best thing to do was to start being official then and there when he asked.

He invited me to his house in Indiana, to stay over Saturday night and then go home late Sunday. I’m looking forward to it. We are still a lil lacking in the conversation department, but I think it’s ‘cus he called me throughout break at midnight (before we would both go to bed), so we were both tired. I’m glad he likes to talk on the phone. I’m not a huge phone person, but I appreciated the fact that he text me a few minutes before midnight every night to ask if he could call me. I am kind of nervous that it will just end up being a really short relationship –I’m in college, I feel like I should be able to uphold a relationship for at least 6 months. Of course, I don’t plan on breaking it off, but that’s where my trust issue comes into play. I don’t trust him yet enough to believe that he won’t all the sudden figure out that he doesn’t like me and break up, which is where my issue of not accepting love comes into play and in general having a hard time believing that I am worthy of love. All of those things that go on in my head that I mentioned above affect my relationship with God negatively, I am sure.

I can’t wait to see him. Only a few more hours now.

Going So Far

*Ames* says:
so I was talking to Alex in the student center last night, and we were sitting on a couch going through his old text messages. He was going quickly through them, and some of them were pictures. Now, he only became a "real" Christian a year or so ago... But there was a pic of breasts, which he said "I didn't know I had that on there,that's from before I wasa Christian, I'm so sorry" and we talked
*Ames* says:
briefly about porn, so apparently he used to struggle with it, but he says that he doesn't anymore. He said it was a temptation, but he hasn't in almost a year.
*Ames* says:
So because of that topic, I began to wonder how far he had gone, 'cus I know he used to drink. I asked him today at lunch and he said that he didn't want to discuss it in such a public place, so I asked him tonightin the student center and he said he didn't feel comfortable telling me yet, but he did say "I haven't been all the way"
*Ames* says:
=/
*Ames* says:
hmm, I just wanted to tell someone that. I mean, 'cus I don't know him that well. I think he has truly changed, but that kind of stuff makes me so uncomfortable, that he used to be so into all of that...
Adam {Broomstick} says:
yeah? do you think that'll effect your ability to stay with him/?
*Ames* says:
idn... I told him I didn't want to kiss, and he said he was fine with that. I'm pretty sure I can deal, but it just makes me sad for him, that he already did all that.
*Ames* says:
He's really patient, actually
*Ames* says:
the night he asked me to be official, I told him I wasn't sure yet, and he was so respectful, I explained to him all I was worried about and he didn't try to persuade me to date or anything, he justified my worries and we agreed to pray about it, though he had been praying about for 3 weeks by then
Adam {Broomstick} says:
wow...

*Ames* says:
wow what?
*Ames* says:
I'd been praying about it too, but only for 2 weeks or so
Adam {Broomstick} says:
he is a much better man than I...
Adam {Broomstick} says:
wow he is a much better man than I
*Ames* says:
why? what would you not have done?
*Ames* says:
I really like him...
Adam {Broomstick} says:
well.....first of all I don't think I could give up the stuff he gave up...I very much enjoy doing the physical stuff....
Adam {Broomstick} says:
yeah?
Adam {Broomstick} says:
I'm sure if he's willing to be so patient with you then he likes you too
*Ames* says:
Boys at Asbury are pretty unique

My First Boyfriend?

So I have been hanging out with Alex a lot. I finished my run at the Luce at the same time he finished swim practice last night, and when I finally spotted him in the throng of other swimmers, I could feel my face light up. I had expected him to ask maybe the day before thanksgiving break or the day after, but he had different plans. Oh, and btw, he actually listened to me when I said that I really liked trains and that I thought the seminary had the prettiest courtyard.

I have been waking up for the past 2 weeks and immediately checking my phone to see if he texted me yet -he said he did the same thing. It took me an hour or so of walking around and talking with him to give him my answer -"yes."

ECFlyer07 (12:36:16 AM): I did tell you what I was originally goin to do to ask right? with the train

DoulosGurl46 (12:41:11 AM): I know it had to do with the train... you were gonna go down to the tracks?

ECFlyer07 (12:38:19 AM): What I was goin to do was walk to the tracks and try to time it so that the train was passin and afterwards I would ask... but I decided that would take too muc timin and would make it hard

ECFlyer07 (12:39:12 AM): So what I decided to do was take a "random" walk to the seminary fountain and ask you while we were standing next to or near the fountain depending on the lighting

Boys and Swim Meets

Been hanging out with Alex a lot lately. We went to see Nightmare Before Christmas in theatres on Saturday night together and he put his arm around me. I really like him, I've finally decided that I will date him if/when he asks. We went to Bob Evans (he doesn't like Panera) for dinner before 608 on Sunday evening and he paid for my meal. Lydia keeps asking me if we are official yet.

He has a swim meet in Indianapolis this Saturday, so he is leaving at 11am on Friday and will get back Sunday at 2am. I have an away game for cheering on Saturday, so that will be 8am till dinner time on Saturday. I am still sad that he won't be here much this weekend. I made him a playlist to listen to once he is on his way to (or way home from) the meet. I guess that's kind of a pathetic thing to do, but it's definitely better than Alex being like, "Do you know what your names means? I looked it up on the internet." It means "beloved", by the way.

Letter To My Sis

Dear Mary,
I would write this in a letter to you, but I'm afraid the ephemeralness of stuff like this (by the time you would get the letter, I would have already made up my mind).

I think I might kind of actually like him (like all those qualifiers? -might, kind of, actually). But then again, maybe it's just that "oh, I think he likes me! Maybe I could like him too!". I hate that. You trick yourself into liking someone just because it would be nice, ya know? Anywho, yesterday he sat by me at lunch and I found myself wishing that he would hug me, and last night I was lying in bed wondering if he would text me goodnight (he did, after 10 minutes of me wondering, haha). And then I woke up this morning and the first thing I did, I didn't know I was doing it, was to find myself checking my phone to see if he text yet.

Ugh, boys...

We spent 3 hours last night sitting at a table to homework next to each other last night in the library. We didn't talk much, we actually got work done, but it was fun. A girl on my hall says he is one of the best swimmers at the school. Anywho, I'm going to go to lunch now. Just thought I'd update you on everything.

Mwuah! Love you!

Your Big Sis,
Amy

High School Boy Stuff?

Gah, he only started talking to me a lot sometime last week. Why am I feeling this way? <-wow, classic teenage angst question... I'm out of high school, I shouldn't be doing this. Is it because I think he is interested in me that I am all the sudden feeling so attached to him? I am fine if I haven't seen him in a few hours, but if I am near him, I want a hug so badly. Is that 'cus I haven't been getting very many hugs (especially guy-hugs) lately and I know that I could probably get them from him? A relationship (even worse, a messy "non-relationship") is the last thing I need right now. No one said that just because I hang out with a guy and he texts me at least 10 times a day means I have to date him. Ugh, just the fact that I am volleying this around in my head is so irksome. I find myself wanting to hang out with him, but he just seems like another Robert. Last night I wanted to go to the library to see him, but didn't because I don't want to lead him on (even if it is fun). I guess I just feel threatened because he only just met me. I keep wanting to say "give it time", but that doesn't change the fact that he is constantly in contact with me and that we eat at the same time for lunch and dinner thanks to class and practice schedules. It's rare that I ever allow myself to even see if I like someone. But his friends are kind of weird. I told him I didn't like his friends Saturday night and today he came and sat with me at lunch instead of me seating with him and his friends. And he didn't even sit with them at all at dinner tonight, he sat with a different group, a group that I am kind of friends with. Ok, the more I type, the mroe I think about it, and I don't need to think about it. I should just calm down, relax, and take things as they come. I'm just worried that I don't really like him (that I just am attracted b/c I know he is attracted to me and I am trying to get my value from him, a guy, and not God), and that if I keep hanging out with him, I will be leading him on, and leading him on is just plain mean.

1st Cheerleading Experience

We (the cheerleading squad) had our first cheerleading game/experience Friday night and Saturday afternoon. It was so much fun. I messed up a couple cheers friday night, but by Saturday I had them all. Cherise, Erin, and I got ready together in my room. I wore so much make up, haha, I haven't worn that much make up in a loooong time. Everyone really liked the dance we did to "lean back"/"music make me lose control."

I had to wake up at 7:15am this moring though because my First Year Experience class was going to the ropes course at 8am. Though I was not happy about it in the beginning (we passed by a sign/temperature thing and it said "36 degrees"), it ended up being sooo fun. I don't regret waking up so early anymore.

During the basketball game's half time, I went a few yards down in the Luce so that I could see the swim meet for a few seconds -I had told Alex that I would try to come and see him, and he had come to see me cheer the night before. He was in a green little swimsuit/speedo thing, haha, it made him look even more pale than he already is.

On Tuesday he asked me what I was doing on Friday night and if I would like to go with him and a group of friends to a movie -I said I had the cheer at the basketball game and couldn't go. Wednesday he asked me to eat lunch with him, but we missed each other because of class schedules and such. He then asked me to eat dinner with him, which we did end up doing.

Thursday he sent me a text that said, "I'm studying in the library until 10pm if you want to join me". I joined him. We talked half the time (quietly) and studied the other half.

Friday night he showed up at the basketball game, though he left a lil after half timebecause he was still going to the movie with his friends (he went to see American Gangster). After the game today, I went to see if the swimmers were still there and saw Alex (showered and dressed) standing with his parents in the lobby of the luce. I said hi, introduced myself, and was suddenly overcome with this need to say, "call me later if you want to go see a movie tonight." I have no clue where it came from. Well, he called, and I said a 10pm movie, he told me I could choose which movie.

We met at the student center at 9:20, drove to the Green, and ended up seeing Michael Clayton (I paid for my own ticket, fyi). Now, I had been to the movies a couple weeks ago with him and about 4 other GC girls... He chose to sit in the back row and we all followed. So the whole time (even after the GC girls left to sit closer to the screen), he never even so much as leaned towards me. In fact, he leaned away from me in his chair. But knowing me, I prepared myself and told myself that I was not going to do anything tonight.

Up until about 3/4 of the way through the movie, I was fighting to not let my head rest on his shoulder. I didn't want to give him ideas about me being interested and I definitely don't want another charlie/robert/steve relationship. However, I seriously don't know how it happened, all the sudden my head was on his shoulder. I felt kind of awkward because I had promised myself that I wouldn't do that, but I was tired... grr, I shouldn't have done it. About 4 minutes later, he had his arm around me, but the armrests in that theatre don't go up, so I wasn't right next to him, I think that was a blessing. I don't want to be the girl that's "Easy" (easy in the asbury sense, haha). It was a good movie though and we had an intelligent discussion about it on the ride home.

His band preferences remind me of Robert though, ick. He likes Kutless, Tobymac, Project 86, RED, and other various bands that I tend to think of as lame. Not that I am interested, but if he ends up being like Robert... ugh. He hangs out with some losers (Tim, Thrasher, Emily K, Ben A, etc.). Oh, I was talking to him Thursday night and he said that I could come home with sometime (his premise was that there is a cool bike shop near him) and that his mom said it was fine -that means he asked his mom if I could come. I think he is on the rebound though, I'm pretty sure he broke up with his gf a few weeks after getting to campus.

Georgetown Game

Last night, Bonnie took Glenda, me, Erin, and Cherise to the Asbury varsity basketball's first game. It was pretty much my first basketball game -I think my dad took me to one when I was like 5, but I don't remember it. Either way, I don't know anything about basketball, so they wanted to educate me so I understood enough during our first game so that I could cheer at the appropriate times.

I told Bonnie early on in the game that I was going to learn all the guys' names and that I already knew Ian's name because he is in my Spanish 201 class. She responded with sometime that was similar to saying that since I'm tall (compared to the girls on my cheer squad) and have long legs, she should introduce me to Ian because he is tall (and he's planning on being a lawyer, haha). However, though Ian and I may both have long legs, I am only 5'4 and he is 6'11. Though I can't complain, I love tall guys.

Oh, in case you were wondering, we lost last night, but it was still fun to watch.

Pin Up Girls

So it's official, when I get married, I want to give my husband, as a gift, pictures of me posing like a 1950's pin up girl. I know, I'm weird, but w/e, deal with it.

Motorcycle!

So I found out that in Kentucky, if you're under 18 years old, you can take the Motorcycle Safety course for free. That course is required, if you are under are 21 years, in Florida to get your motorcycle license and also counts as your motorcycle skills and written test. I went and took the class with five 50/60 year old men this weekend, it was taught by 2 older guys named Gary and LJ. All I have to do is take my course completion certificate down to the DMV in Florida and they will give my my endorsement for a bike.

I really like being on a bike, it gives me a similar feeling to running and rock climbing (that raw, physical, alive , this-is-what-living-is rush). I feel free, almost able to escape my body, it's nice.

If Interested

So I went to a movie Friday night with Alex ( a guy) and 3 other girls. We all sat in the back row, but about 10 minutes into the movie, all the other girls moved the front and left Alex and I alone. I didn't realize they had left until the end of the movie though. His posture in his chair almost the entire movie was away from me. And the next night I sat next to Jason during Across the Universe and he sat angled away from me too (though we were in a packed theater that time, people all around, but he did have the aisle seat). I mean, either guys are not ineterested in me (though Charlie did call me Friday night and ask if I would like to go to Hot Stone Pizza for lunch with him on Saturday) or they are just waaay to well mannered and polite to try anything in a movie theater. I'm glad they are so polite, but it's still kinda weird/different from what I'm used to.

I told Tim that and he asked me the question, "what would you do if they were interested?"

I realized I like wishing for a bf, but actually having one still scares me. I'm so weird. When I meet him, I guess I will not be so scared, or atleast, I will want to take the risk badly enough so that my desire to be in a relationship with him will overcome my fear.

MuteMath Show

Yesterdat at 4pm I met Brad in the Student Center and we left for Cincinnati. MuteMath played at Bogart's and doors opened at 6:30pm -we got there at about 6:20pm, only after we got slightly lost in a rather shady area of Cinci.

It was such a good show. It started off with Eisley, but Brad wasn't too thrilled with Eisley. He said he was beginning to fall asleep during it, haha. It was fun, I've never been to a show with only one other person, that other person being a tall guy. In between shows and during slow Eisley songs I would lean back on him 'cus I'm always jealous of all the girls with boyfriends who can do that. It was really nice, it makes me want to always go to a concert with a guy.

Anyway, before MuteMath started, I wiggled my way to the front and Brad somehow followed me. During the show, this girl Meghan (from University of Dayton, a film major) and I rocked out so hard to MuteMath -it was awesome. I've never sweat so much, haha. Even Brad said he was surprised that I could dance so hard.

*The next entire paragraph is as told to me by Brad*
About halfway through MuteMath, this kid in an orange shirt got in between the couple that Brad and I had become concert buddies with. Brad nodded to the guy that was our friend (the guy in the couple) that he should just knock the guy out, haha. Brad and our friend just kind of grabbed the kids shoulders, pointed to the bf and then to the gf. Needless to say, the orange-shirt guy got out of the way -both Brad and the bf are pretty intimidating looking. Then the gf (of the guy) and I started to move left and Brad and I got separated by this kid in a blue polo. Brad said he was just "oh no...", and he elbowed his way/moved up every time the collared shirt kid clapped. Eventually Brad the bf were next to us girls again. Brad said it was really kind of fun 'cus he felt like he had a job to do, hehe. fyi, I had no idea anything that I described in this paragraph had gone on until the concert was over.

Anywho, on our way home, we stopped at Steak n Shake cus Brad had never been to one. About 10 minutes into us being there, 3 guys that I recognized from the show walked in. I invited them to come sit with us, but they kind of just shrugged my invitation off. Brad later told me that one of the 3 guys was the orange-shirt guy that he and the bf had to tell to get away, haha.


Good, amazing show.

Play the Field... great.

DoulosGurl46 (11:56:05 PM): so when people say that one should take advantage of singleness and enjoy it, I'd like to know what they mean

FishDiver12 (11:50:48 PM): lol

FishDiver12 (11:50:55 PM): Hum well they could mean lots of things

FishDiver12 (11:51:02 PM): play the field go on lots of dates

FishDiver12 (11:51:10 PM): they could mean make some hook ups

FishDiver12 (11:51:22 PM): they could mean flirt it up

DoulosGurl46 (11:57:34 PM): that's what I assumed

DoulosGurl46 (11:58:00 PM): sigh

FishDiver12 (11:52:24 PM): i'm assuming they mean a pg version of that since you're at a christian school

FishDiver12 (11:52:31 PM): whats the matter amy/?

DoulosGurl46 (11:59:10 PM): I was walking home from the gym this morning and was feeling lonely and thought to myself, "being single is good, i should enjoy it while I have it" and I tried to think of fun things that come with being single.... THere weren't many that I would partake of

FishDiver12 (11:53:53 PM): you can flirt

FishDiver12 (11:54:06 PM): you can play the field

'Rents...

So my dad came up this past Sunday b/c he wanted to tell me in person that he and my mom were separating. However, my sister thought I already knew and told me a few days before he came up. I was kinda sad to hear that the reason he was coming up was to tell me bad news, instead of just to see me, but w/e.

My dad and I went out to lunch and we talked about it. See, for 2 or 3 years my mom has been complaining to Mary and I about how much she doesn't like my dad ("he's never home", "he cares more about his car and computer than us", "if we would stop buying new cars, we would be fine", "he's selfish", etc). But my dad never heard any of it. He didn't really know she was that unhappy. They went to counseling and she would say a few things, and he really did get better (though I was never that aware of my family or parents' relationship to know what exactly he did wrong in the first place).

My dad thought he was doing better, my mom told me she threatened him with divorce when everytime he bought a new car (twice a year?). He didn't expect her to ask for a divorce in the middle of their date to Panera. He says he pretty much begged her not to get a divorce right away and so they settled on separating for a year and seeing how that goes. Mary says he has already tripled his efforts to try and win her back. She seems over him though. She made up her mind years ago that he would not, could not be someone she romanticly loved. She decided a long time ago that she would not live with him for the rest of her life. She just never told him.

Now my sister is stuck with mom complaining and making plans to live alone. My mom promised my dad that they would stay in contact after they separate, that he could eat dinner with them 2 or 3 times a week, hang out with Mary, help with the lawn and computers. However, my mom has seriously started considering moving away with Mary. She is looking at Tennessee and asking Mary which school in Nashville she would like to go to. That's so unfair to my dad.

Mom complains to Mary about how Mary should help around the house now that Dad won't be fully supporting them. She talks about the "separation" all the time to Mary. Mary says Dad is being cool about it, as best as he can be atleast.

Downtown lex

Went out on the town tonight after the chorus concert...

Packed 8 girls into my car and danced to reggaetone the entire drive to downtown. We went to the Starbucks downtown and then walked around a bit and took silly picture (it was like 10pm). Then around 11:30 we went to Walmart and bought lots of baking supplies cus we're gonna bake mexican monkey cake ( courtesy of www.foodiefarmgirl.blogspot.com ) tomorrow night. It was uber uber fun. We just barely got back before curfew (1am) and must go to bed now, but I am sure I will have some more fun-ness this weekend to report =).

Music Study....

Music major... idn.
Music minor... eh.
History? ...mmm.
Anthropology, ugh.

I don't wanna do anything...

I guess everything I do will be hard. It's not that I mind working hard, but do I mind working hard for something that I most likely will not go into for a career?

Separate

Take me for a fool and I'll do the same for you.
-Aaron Sprinkle (Song: What Sorry Could Be).

My parents are separating. Dad is looking for an apartment. "We're not getting a divorce." Ha, no one ever gets back together after separating.

Losers

So I somehow end up having lots of loser friends, always. You know, the ones with no social skills, they are somehow socially retarded. They say weird things at weird times, have odd phrases, make awkward jokes. Or, they are into really weird things, have odd mannerisms. They're all really nice, but just off.

At home, there was Alec. Elementary school, Drew. Middle School=most of the gifted class. Here, I have already begun to hang out with some losers (I'm so nice... haha). Thrasher, Ben, Tim... all a little weird. I would include Ashley in that group, but even I just get irritated too much by her to consider her even a semi-friend.

I told my mom about how off Tim is and that I somehow ended being friends with a lot of rejects. She said, "I've noticed that you do that. Why do you always do that? Do you feel more accepted by them? Do you feel like you're not good enough for normal kids?" Sometimes my mom refers to it as me being a kind, empathetic person, trying to include the outcast. Sometimes, she views it as hindering my own reputation and self.

Cookie

Mom got a dog today..... I'm being replaced, haha.

Fast as Lightning

Hmm, tonight was Artist Series, so at 7:30pm I got all dressed up and met some friends on the steps of the Student Center and to Hughes to listen to the Merling Trio (Piano, Cello, Violin). It was beautiful and free:). Yay for Asbury doing free cultural stuff.

After the concert though, I really wanted to run, so around 10:30pm I just left my dorm and sprinted an entire mile -it took me less than 6 minutes- and then quickly jogged another. I never run that fast unless I am upset or bothered. Even then, I only run that fast once -maybe twice- a year. I'm not sure what set it off, but I guess I've just been in a lonely funk the last few days. I just took off and within a few steps, I felt like my legs were going so fast that I looked like sonic the hedge hog when goes into that hyper mode and his legs just look like a swirling blur.

I know I've described the sensation before, but it feels like if I can just go fast enough, I could run out of my earthly body, escape my emotions and desires, get away from everything and just be free, a soul w/o a box to keep it tied down.

I suppose it has something do with suppressed emotions, wanting a good hug, missing home, stress from school, and just feeling out of control in general.

Another Song

I feel like Tim is very similar to Charlie...


Casimir Pulaski Day, by Sufjan Stevens

Goldenrod and the 4H stone
The things I brought you
When I found out you had cancer of the bone

Your father cried on the telephone
And he drove his car into the Navy yard
Just to prove that he was sorry

In the morning, through the window shade
When the light pressed up against your shoulderblade
I could see what you were reading

All the glory that the Lord has made
And the complications you could do without
When I kissed you on the mouth

Tuesday night at the Bible study
We lift our hands and pray over your body
But nothing ever happens

I remember at Michael's house
In the living room when you kissed my neck
And I almost touched your blouse

In the morning at the top of the stairs
When your father found out what we did that night
And you told me you were scared

All the glory when you ran outside
With your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied
And you told me not to follow you

Sunday night when I cleaned the house
I found the card where you wrote it out
With the pictures of you mother

On the floor at the great divide
With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied
I am crying in the bathroom

In the morning when you finally go
And the nurse runs in with her head hung low
And the cardinal hits the window

In the morning in the winter shade
On the first of March, on the holiday
I thought I saw you breathing

All the glory that the Lord has made
And the complications when I see His face
In the morning in the window

All the glory when He took our place
But He took my shoulders and He shook my face
And He takes and He takes and He takes

Song by Rise Against

Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long; think that its time to move
The winter's so cold summer's over too soon
so let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Ear Worm

Trees swayin' in the summer breeze
Showin' off their silver leaves
As we walked by

Soft kisses on a summer's day
Laughing all our cares away
Just you and I

Sweet sleepy warmth of summer nights
Gazing at the distant lights
In the starry sky

They say that all good things must end someday
Autumn leaves must fall
But don't you know that it hurts me so
To say goodbye to you
Wish you didn't have to go
No, no, no, no

And when the rain
Beats against my window pane
I'll think of summer days again
And dream of you

They say that all good things must end someday
Autumn leaves must fall
But don't you know that it hurts me so
To say goodbye to you
Wish you didn't have to go
No, no, no, no

And when the rain
Beats against my window pane
I'll think of summer days again
And dream of you
And dream of you
-Chad and Jeremy

The Holy Wild

In my Gen 220 class yesterday, we discussed we thought of when we thought of the "Holy Wild" (following God with reckless abandonment). To be honest, I cannot think of anything more frightening and vulnerable than not owning a house. To not have a set place of refuge and not have a safe place to count on always being there is so scary. It is MY house, MY possession, it protects me, keeps me safe from thieves and murderers, keeps the world out, keeps me warm and cozy. I know it will be there for me when I've had a hard day. I never have to worry about where I will sleep, whether I will have shelter from the elements, and where my next meal will come from.

Not owning house is my ultimate Holy Wild. I've been thinking about Shane Claiborn a lot lately and how he founded the Simple Way. I don't know if I'd ever do anything like that, but reading Under the Overpass and listening to Shane, and now realizing what my answer is to the Holy Wild question that Dr Gray asked, I wonder...



P.S.
"the Holy Wild" comes from the book Your God is Too Safe, by Mark Buchanan

FunGreenPic

Mary Visited

Sis came this weekend. Uber fun. Open dorm in Johnson Saturday night (watched Count of Monte Cristo in Tim's room with 12 other kids). Then Tim made a bonfire at this place we all drove to. Kinda crazy though, I guess none of us freshman have had much physical contact with the opposite sex since getting here, so every girl ended up with some guy -either holding hands, cuddling, back massaging, nothing bad, but just funny. Lots of stars. Mary left Sunday afternoon and I am now back in school and going crazy with music and cheerleading, haha.

I think I found a clique tht I can hang out with if I need to. They're kinda losers, but w/e, they're fun when a few of them aren't being idiots or fashion disasters. Yes, I am the most judgemental, stuck up, conceited person ever. But come, tucking in your t-shirt and wearing jeans from 90's with odd looking black boots and always putting your hair in a pony tail with a scrunchy is just plain horrible.

Is it the Water?

So what is it about being in Kentucky that has enabled me to make more guy friends than girl friends? It seems like as soon as I got into Kentucky, there's been this natural ease with guys that was never there before. I don't know if it was 'cus I had pre-conceived notions about guys' social cliques and their reputations, but now that I am with a new set of people, it seems like there are lots of guys that are befriending me.

Am I prettier than other girls here? Am I being more outgoing than usual? Maybe it's just the fact that no one knows me as the "smart, quiet, Christian girl" here. Mary says the family curse is broken b/c of me. Maybe college has just forced me to make new friends and guys are simpler to talk to... Hmmm, I'm really intrigued as to why I have made so many guy friends so quickly, and so many more guy friends than girl friends. Look at my phone and there are more guys at Asbury than girls. Maybe I am just doing that b/c I feel insecure and want to feel valued... Who knows. Oh well, interesting topic though (to me).

Examples: Charlie said that I should go to a basketball game with him sometime (in his hometown, an hour away from school) 'cus I have never been to one and don't know anything basketball and tonight Charlie volunteered to help me study for our Aural Training test.
Andrew went running with me the other night and has gone with me to Walmart and Sonic.
Brad asked if I would like to eat lunch with him today, in addition to coming over during his open dorm (the one night a month that girls can go into the guys' dorms).
Matt made me a smoothie the other night because I mentioned that I like them, Sam of course has already been talked about. I need to make girl friends too though... I run with Irene, cheer with Erin and Bri, talk to Keturah and Julie. Of course, I have other friends than that, but those are the ones I talk to the most. I'm really looking forward to getting to know everyone the next 4 years.

Got My Uniform Hoy

I made cheer leading squad last night! Yay!

A Dress Wearing a Face

DoulosGurl46 (11:09:33 PM): I feel so sad tonight

FishDiver12 (11:02:45 PM): Why whats the matter boo?

FishDiver12 (11:03:14 PM): Don't make me make a blonde joke.

DoulosGurl46 (11:10:23 PM): hmm, that's tempting...

FishDiver12 (11:03:58 PM): for really whats the matter? classes stressing you out.

DoulosGurl46 (11:10:57 PM): idn, it's depressing how much time it takes to make friends

FishDiver12 (11:04:13 PM): oh come on it took us only 12 hours

DoulosGurl46 (11:11:23 PM): I mean, I have some aquaintences, and they're nice

DoulosGurl46 (11:11:45 PM): I go running with Irene, talk to Keturah, cheer with Erin, eat popcorn with Val

DoulosGurl46 (11:11:56 PM): but they're not quite friends

DoulosGurl46 (11:12:11 PM): more like the only people around and so I need them to keep me company

FishDiver12 (11:08:21 PM): Well friends come with quiet conversations

FishDiver12 (11:08:23 PM): i find

DoulosGurl46 (11:15:52 PM): well, the only quiet conversations I've hard so far are with Irene, and another with Sam

DoulosGurl46 (11:16:46 PM): but I can't let myself hang out with Sam, I know he's the kind of guy who will act likes he really likes/loves you when he really doesn't care anything about you, I'll just get hurt

FishDiver12 (11:12:25 PM): I love you amy.

FishDiver12 (11:12:45 PM): your such a sweet person. but you've gotta stick yourself out to get to know anyone

DoulosGurl46 (11:20:24 PM): yeah, but not him, haha.

DoulosGurl46 (11:21:30 PM): my friend Adam told me to hug a pillow and think of him, but girls don't hug things, we get hugs. Ya know? Guys arms go around us, and pillows dont do that.

FishDiver12 (11:15:28 PM): I wont lie i did think about doing that in the movie but i was like kris you don't know her that welll anymore.

DoulosGurl46 (11:22:43 PM): haha

DoulosGurl46 (11:22:46 PM): I love hugs

DoulosGurl46 (11:22:55 PM): well... who doesn't?

DoulosGurl46 (11:23:38 PM): the problem is, every guy i've watched movies with and let them hold me, the relationship somehow loses all conversations from there on out. the guy never wants to talk after that.

Ugh, Broadway

So have I ever told you how much I hate listening to broadway musicals? Like, it's ok watching them, but actually just listening to them is the most irritating thing ever! And, just so you know, my roommate is listening to musicals right now. Grr.

Quest Carnival

Ok, so Sam picked me up at 3:30pm and we had a great time at the carnival. We got there, watched one of his friends/band members sing for the lil kids as "Alexis Texas." After that, we talked to a bunch of his friends and kept walking around and meeting people he knew; it was fun 'cus I met lots of fun people. Hmm, we watched some really cool motocross stuff, bought dinner and a 3' long bag of kettle corn for me to share with Val, a girl on my hall.
We went on those carnival swings, the ones that are for one person and are on like 30' metal cables. Sam, me, and Sam's group of friends all went on the swings, but I was the last one on, and the group of swings they had chosen didn't have enough swings for me, so I went and found one away from the group so that I could at least be on the ride. It just so happened that the swing I chose had an empty swing next to it. After I sat down, feeling kind of sad 'cus I was alone, I looked up to see Sam leaving his swing by his friends and sitting down in the one across from me:-), uber fun.

After the swings, we went on the scrambler ride thingy. Sam and I went together :-). I've never had such fun just yelling "whooooo!" and lifting my arms up in the air, haha. Oh, and when the ride was over, the people forgot to get us out (it was one of those things the carnie guys have to open for you), so we ended up going a second time together. However, between the 1st and 2nd time going, I noticed my bag of kettle corn was nowhere near my bag, where I had set it down, in fact, the kettle corn was AWOL. There had been some middle school punks begging me for some, but I had so "no" b/c I didn't know them, it cost me $7, and I was going to give half of it to Val. They got mad at mumbled under their breath. Sam things they stole it. But that didn't stop him from yelling at his buddies (b4 the 2nd ride started) that they should look for those middle school punks and find my kettle corn -we had already named my kettle corn Christopher Kettle Corn, he had a sharpied-on face (onto the bag), and he had been "breast fed" by the boys and called "Baby" a billion times. It was really sad to lose Christopher Kettle Corn.

So by the time we went on the rides, the girl who played Alexis Texas was hanging with us (she's a year younger than Sam) and she wanted to ride with Sam on the scrambler because, as she said, "it was tradition." ::rolls eyes:: . Anywho, I went on with Jared, a freshman at UK and we had a good talk about being a Christian at a secular state university and how fraternities fit into that.

After the rides, Sam, his guy friends, and I all walked over to Meijers and bought a 1/2 gallon of cookies and cream icecream and some plastic spoons and ate it on the way back to the carnival. That was really fun. We then watched the fireworks (they were beautiful) on the grass and Sam dropped me off at the front steps of GC. However, I went for a hug in the car after he stopped the car in front of the GC steps. It was weird. I went for a hug and we somehow ended up smacking our faces together (no lip though, thank goodness). He made like a little yelp and I felt awkward and quickly got out of the car. Not sure if he was going for a kiss and I was only going for a hug, or if we both are just super bad at judging what side to hug on. I mean, it's normal to have that both-go-to-the-same-side-hug on accident, but I've never not been able to save it. Awwwwkard.

Playing in the Rain

So last week on Sunday night I went to 608 with Matt, a kid from my Music Theory class. Matt is a senior in high school but is dual enrolled at Asbury. Anyway, I asked Matt if he would give me a ride to church and he said yes, picked me up for church, and we went out to dinner and a girl's house afterwards.
At the girl's house (Kelsey), we hung out with a couple other kids, one of them being Sam. Sam is kind of an earthy kid, a theater/music kid. He went to Cornerstone Illinois '07, I went '06. Anywho, I was really impressed with Sam's knowledge of movies and music (he likes Bradley Hathaway, MuteMath, and has see Once and Science of Sleep), so I myspaced him. When Matt told me he wasn't going to church this Sunday and neither was Kelsey, I called Sam to ask if he was going - he was and said he would take me.
He picked me up this morning in his old, black volvo. His volvo has lots of bumper stickers on it -I love it. They say things like "give peace a chance" and "God is not a democrat or a republican." We went to church and his family and Kelsey and her family all met us there. We all went out for Zaxby's after church, his family bought me lunch. Then we went to his house and bounced on the trampoline for a bit; he tried to teach me how to do a front flip, though didn't succeed. We planned on going to Questapalooza, a festival thing at a nearby church, but he had homework, so he drove me back to Glide-Crawford. On our way back, it began to rain really hard, Sam said "I realy want to play in the rain." I replied, "I haven't played in the rain in ages." So he pulls over into a small parking lot next to a field of horses, we get out of the car, run barefoot to the field, and try to coax the horses over to us and then we petted them. It was really fun. He said he would call me when he finished his homework and that he would come pick me up for the festival, which ends at 10pm. I hope he calls soon.

However, last week when I met him, he was on the phone and, ask Kelsey explained, he was talking to his "kind-of girlfriend." On Facebook, he was listed as "in a relationship" until Monday, then "single" and a few days ago he took the down the whole thing and doesn't have a field for relationship status. Matt said the girl he was "kind of dating" lived in Michigan though. Hmmm, we shall see how things work out.

Sunday Doldrums

So I'm quite bored right now and really want some chocolate. Honestly, I would completely prefer to be running at the Luce or to be practicing music in McCreless, but both are closed right now.

Hmmm, Andrew just called and we are going to figure out how to write My Country Tis of Thee on the piano in the Glide-Crawford lobby. I guess that's better than nothing :-).

Tra La La La

Hmmm, Asbury is going well. The only thing to complain about is not having any close guy friends (that translates to having no good hugs). There are quite a few kids from Florida here; one of them, Joel, is in my Tag group (he lives in Melbourne). The older students move in today, so I'm a bit nervous about meeting them, but I'm sure they're cool.
Considering the tumbling team, though I have no skills currently whatsoever. Who knows, it may turn out really cool.

Invisible Children/Beach

This past Wednesday, I met up with a group of 10 or so people from Invisible Children in downtown Orlando. Our purpose was to talk to Senator Martinez about how he should support the Child Soldier Prevention Act 2007 and to also ask him to call the State Department and voice his concern that a diplomat should be deployed to Uganda to oversee the juba peace talks. We didn't get to meet with Martinez, but we did talk to a person on his staff (the Orlando Regional Coordinator or something).
This is a pic of some us who went with IC Wednesday (Laura, Blaze, Sara, Me).


On Friday, I began my last weekend in Florida by going to the beach with Sara W, Hannah, Matt, Adam, Courtney, Rachel, and Blake (Sara's friend from Oklahoma, the kid who cooked for us at C-stone '06). Courtney's truck got stuck in the sand though =(. In the picture w/ Sara and Matt, you can see where Hannah decided to use her artistic skills and draw a heart in sunscreen on Matt's leg.

I'm a Night Owl

I met with a guy who works for Senator Martinez today.
A couple of weeks ago I got an email from Invisible Children asking me if I'd like to go speak to a congressman about IC, so I said sure. They arranged a group to go in the area I live in and today was the day. There were 10 of us total. about 5 teenagers, 5 adults. I met some cool girls that either just graduated or still go to Lake Mary High (Laura, Sara, and Blaze). There was a kid named Dylan who led our group, he just graduated form WPHS and is going to Belmont in the fall. Anywho, it was an interesting experience. I did not say much (almost nothing except my name and age), but just being there, hearing an issue explained, knowing that my presence might help sway a decision, was cool. It was so scary walking into the office though. I got to sit in Martinez's fave chair though :-).
Anywho, I hope Martinez ends up supporting the Child Soldier Prevention Act of 2007.

It's funny how I don't like being at Northland parties. I feel very awkward and never seem to be able to find someone to talk to. Tonight was different though, Chris was there (rebekah P's bf). Chris and I just hung out in the kitchen and talked the whole time, with Mrs Augustine occasionally joining us. Everyone else was out in the living room doing something stupid or whatnot. I had way more fun with Chris at this Northland party than I do at usual Northland parties. I guess I'm just a one-on-one kind of person. It doesn't help that I find it hard to like M*** and a boy named W****n, who are very much involved in Northland.

I'm going to dinner at Seasons 52 with my dad tomorrow night, I'm kind of excited about it, I've never been there. I made the reservation today.

That Street

Why do I still have to force myself to not turn down Robert's road every time I pass by it? I have not spoken to him since just after Spring Break and he is a jerk (senny has much more vulgar words that she likes to use when describing him, but I will spare your ears).

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I have an usually large lips according to my mother (well, to everyone, but the way my mother says it is uniqe). My sister often complains that I havebigger teeth and bigger lips than she does, but I don't mind, I like my big lips and teeth. Today at lunch though, my mom asked if my mom lip was swollen and I told her no, got self-concious, checked my compact, and confirmed that it was normal size. Then we talked about how I have such big lips and no one else in the family does. My mom said something along the lines of: I'm not meaning to be racist, and I know you're as white as can be, but you have black people lips.

Wow, I have African American lips, just what I've always wanted. Maybe I'm black and don't know it. Afterall, Ali (the girl next door) once told me that I had a black girl's butt.

The Good Girl :-)

So tonight I went to Starbucks and saw Michelle S there. Now, Michelle S has a friend who went to Asbury. That friend who went to Asbury was at Starbucks with Michelle tonight! Michelle and I said hi and then introduced the Asbury girl and I.

The Asburian said to me, "which dorm are you in?"
So I tell her that I am in Glide Crawford.

I'm not sure if I've expressed this before on this blog, but before tonight, I was really scared that Asbury would be waaaaaaay too conservative for me. Now, however, I am not too worried.

The girl said that she was a GC girl and that it was a good thing 'cus Kresge girls tend to be more wild, party, and go from bf to bf. She said GC girls are more tight knit and tend to stick together, in addition to usually being the ones who have steady bfs (as well as their husbands) at Asbury. She said I looked like a GC girl.

That may just be her own prejudice talking 'cus she was a GC girl, but it definitely made me realize that I am not going to be the liberal girl I was hoping to be taken for. I will, once again (and still), be the girl who is naiive, innocent, doesn't know anything about drugs, has never tasted alchohol girl. However, you should now that I am now (and was before tonight too) very proud to be so. I hope I stand out at Asbury because of that, though I'm sure plenty of girls will be the same about things like that.

Oh, and have I mentioned that in addition to all that stuff listed above, I have also never been kissed? Haha, yeah, I rock :-), saving my love for one man and one man only.

Oh, just letting you know, I am now the only Sister to not have made out with a boy (yes, Lydia left me).

Looking For Work

I was on my way home from Summit youth tonight and, when I went over a bump, my phone bounced out of the cup holder where it was sitting and slid under my sit. From there, it began to ring, but I was not able to reach it in time. So, when I felt blindly about enough to put my hand on it, I looked at the number and saw that it was a Kentucky area code and called back.

It turns out that it was Meredith who called me, a woman who is in charge of hiring for Joseph-Beth bookstores in Lexington. She asked when I would be available for an interview. She wants to get her hiring out of the way by this Friday, but I won't be in Kentucky until next Wednesday, so she told me to give her a call this upcoming Monday to set up and interview because she doubted that she would actually have all of her hiring finished.

I'm super excited about this. I applied about three weeks ago, but on the application it asked if I had ever been in the store before. I did not want to lie, so I told them that I had never been inside a Joseph-Beth. They called me for an interview and I've never even been in the store before :-).

"Ladies"

Jane Eyre -published in 1847.
Pride and Prejudice -published in 1813.

Why were women of high society expected to be so highly knowledgeable in foreign language, music, and art? It seems odd that they would be required to be so learned/proficient in thos areas. Though, music and art are not exactly academic, foreign languages are (to me, at least). I suppose young gentlemen were learning math -was math taught to girls? In Jane Eyre, they taught history at the orphanage, so I would assume that the wealty's children would also learn it. Maybe I'm wrong, but I am under the impression that all they were truly expected to do is marry. It seems odd that so much should be expected intellectually, when it was not acceptable for them to actually make use of what they had learned. Am I missing something here? Am I just not understanding the culture of the early 19th century?

One thing I must say, I really like the phrase "the order of the day." Maybe we should bring that back.

By the way, in case you were wondering, I am about a third of the way into reading Jane Eyre as of today (I started it today, haha). I found a copy for $2.11, including tax, last night at Books a Million while with Lauren and couldn't help but buy it. Hopefully, I will be finished within a few days and will be able to start Pride and Prejudice and/or Sense and Sensibility. I have not read all summer but for Angela's Ashes and am now excited to be reading again. I hope I am able to finish everything before I leave for Asbury on the 21st.

Well, Atleast I'm Not...

watching a sappy chick-flick and feeling all alone. Instead, I'm just half-asleep and too tired to lift myself out of my yellow-with-white-daisies armchair.

Staying up late probably isn't good for me. I promised Vince to meet him at Starbucks tomorrow at 10am.

I wonder how much flights to Calgary are going for...

::wishing I was hanging out with Adam::

Lauren D

Ohmygoodnes, I had such a good talk with Lauren D tonight. I appreciate talking to her so much. She and I are on the same level when it comes to so many things. We're comfortable enough to be able to confide in each other and support one another. It was so encouraging to know that she's also wrestling with her faith right now. Just like me, she's struggling to find her value and identity in Christ instead of other people, especially boys. We both want husbands/boyfriends, but we also want to put God first and love Him more than the man that He gives us. I wish I could just wait patiently for the man God has picked for me, instead of thinking "hmm, potential?" every time I meet a guy. Lauren and I have been feeling frustrated at God pretty much because we don't fully understand Him (hello, big surprise there, He's flipping God, haha), but also frustrated at ourselves for not being content in being single. Lauren is such a kindred spirit. I'm truly sorry that our friendship has only just blossom before I leave for school, but I have no doubt that we will stay good friends even when we are 800 miles apart. I feel so blessed by God to have gotten to know her. Her friendship has helped remind me that God is faithful, is watching over us, and puts people in our lives so that we can see Him in them.

Resonating in Me

Ever feel like throwing in the towel and just quitting church? I feel like that so many times. I go to 3 churches -one for my parents, one for youthgroup, and one for me. The one my parents go to is great, the purpose and ideology is amazing, focused on loving, community, Christ and serving; some people might call it young and naiive (if plans it budget not for what would be te least amount to get things done, but what should the offering look like if every member gave 10% of their income). The curret annual budget is 1.9 million, and the congregation has actually given over 1 million (it is only a 900 person church). But however cool my parents' church is, I don't feel like it is "my" church, like I belong.So I go to Northland for youthgroup. Over the past year or so though, I've felt like the messages taught have no relevance in my life and often found myself going to my small group and then leaving (before youth could start) with a friend or a small group leader to go to Starbucks and talk about what God's been up to in our lives.I now go to the college group at Northland instead of the high school one, but I feel even less inclined to participate and grow in the college group. I'm not sure if it's b/c all the college kids were my h/s leaders when I was in middle school, if I just don't do well in discussions w/ big groups, or what. I've been feeling shriveled in my walk with Christ lately. I feel like my whole life I have tried to ignore the crucifixion b/c so much pain and such serious love makes me uncomfortable -though I believe every bit that it happened and is the reason for my salvation, I just do not like to dwell upon it much. The thing is, I keep saying "I feel", which makes me wonder if this is just a thing where I'm relying on my emotions too much. But it doesn't make it seem any less real. I've been having trouble finding meaning in my faith (I barely know what that means, fyi), but it feels empty and I want to so badly just to own my faith for myself. Maybe that will happen at Asbury this year, but I don't know.However, I didn't mention my 3rd church, Status. When go to Status, I feel like I can connect with God and He is really listening -unlike so much of the time I spend in my room praying and reading the Bible. My doubts and confusion seem to dissappear when I step into Status and listen to the speaker and sing worship in that room. I don't want to leave Status, it's the first time I've truly found a church that I want to become a part of. And now I'm going to Asbury in Kentucky, 14 hours away from Status. I don't know if it's good or bad that Status makes everything seem real for just 2 hours and not much else seems to. All I know is that He has offered me guidance and love even when I am struggling and I want to follow Him all the more.

The Look In Her Eyes

I went to Status with my friend Matt tonight. He was a senior in HS when I was a freshman, but now we are both college kids and hang out a lot together with the other college kids. I have had a mini-crush on him since I was in middle school. Tonight some kid asked us at church if we were dating. I almost died.
Matt laughed and was like "no way", I nervously shrugged, made a thin laugh, and said "yeah, that'd be weird."
Then,w hile pointing at me, the kid said to matt in a joking manner, "oh, well, she had the look in her eyes like she wanted to take the relationship to the next level, buddy."
Matt and I nervously laughed, I said, "haha, very funny."
We walked away and Matt said "Wow, that was soooo awkward."
Ever have that happen to you?


That kid so better have been kidding about "the look in her eyes"

Anxious

I've been feeling restless lately, like I'm in limbo between last-summer-of-high-school and leaving for Asbury. I went running twice today because I felt like there was nothing else to do. At the same time, I don't want to go out or watch movies, I'd rather stay at home. It's hard to decide what to do. Oh, and should I major in sociology or music (maybe something entirely different)?

Attack of the Clothes

Apparently Amy's closet has been chosen as the breeding grounds for all things clothes. Brands such as Ann Taylor, Sophe, and American Apparel have taken a liking to the small, dark space where Amy attempts too put much clothes into a too little place. The clothes typically raise their young among the old running shoes and lost socks; after many months they venture out into the dresser drawers. Although most clothes can identify some sort of origin (such as the red corduroy pants or the blue snow jacket), no one is quite sure how the cluster of ugly sweaters came to be, owing to the fact that the owner of the closet swears she would never touch such detestable things.

After looking at my clothes, my sister said that I had a "sorority girl's wardrobe." Not sure if that's good or bad...

Amy's clothes inventory:
Dresses- 16
Jeans- 5
Pants- 2
Capris- 3
Shorts- 3
Sophes- 9
Panties-39
Bras-17
Socks- 14
Tanks- 11
T-shirts-55
Nice Tops- 19
Shoes- 24 (flip flops, heels, sneakers, flats, boots, etc).
Jackets/Sweaters-24
Long Sleeve Shirts- 6

Food

It will be weird to eat in a cafeteria instead of my kitchen -I usually eat my dinner sitting on the floor of my kitchen with my back against the fridge door, listening to the radio... I'm odd, but tables aren't my thing, haha.


Sometimes, after a run and stretching out, I just sit down against the cupboards and think for a while. Indian style or legs straight out, either goes well with me. The radio is often on, but not always. I just contemplate things. The kitchen is so serene (unless it's around dinner time, 7:30pm). I wonder if I'm the only person who does that: sit down, for no reason, kind of lose focus and just let my mind wander as it pleases. It's so very relaxing.

My Shelf

So if there was one thing in my room that told of who I am the best, it would probably be my shelf that is to the left of my door. I like how it is not finished -still wood, yet to be painted white, possibly never will be. It's such a mess; it has everything from novels to Bible concordances, with teddy bears (from a kid who liked me) and make up and my alarm clock all there too. The boxes are not any particular size because it was handmade, not bought in a store -my mom found it at a garage sale. Of course, my valentine collage, the statue of Olivia singing and the pics of friends brings it personalization also.

Deliberating

I got my room assignment from Asbury today. I was looking forward to it, but now that I have it I think I'm gonna be sick. I started to lose my excitement for going away about a week ago; now my "excitement" is quickly turning into "slightly dreading." My roomie's name is Leiza; she's from Illinois and that is all I know so far. I don't want to call her, calling her makes this whole thing get really close and really scary. College, up until recently, was this fun thing to dream about and plan for. Now I have to go, leave everything, and make a new identity/life. Eh.........

Late Night Texts

I sent a text out to Sara, Adam, and Mason last night that read: I'm getting so freaked out about college! I might not make any friends and then I'd be all alone, no family or friends to hug me.

Mason replied: Aw Amy, dont worry. You are beautiful, smart, funny, outgoing, and so much more! People are going to be drawn to you.

Sara replied: :text hugs!!!: girlie you made friends at status and you've only been there a few times. You'll be the floridian sunshine in kentucky <3.

Adam replied: Check your email.

Adam's email: You know what Amy; I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. You are a very smart girl, if you weren't they wouldn't have accepted you into their school. I'm sure you're going to love it, you took a lot of time choosing this school. And most of all; you are an absolutely amazing, totally gorgeous, and un-believably sweet young woman. I consider it an absolute pleasure to be your friend, and I am very lucky to be. I am absolutely sure that you will make some fantastic life long friends very quickly. Just promise me that once you're in University and all grown up you won't forget about the little highschool guys like me...that would make me very, very sad :P. Anyway, please don't worry about it too much. And if you ever need a friend to talk to, you know to reach me.
Love always,
Adam


Wow, I'm surrounded by such great friends. God has really provided for me. Even when I'm feeling down, I know that I can count on someone to be there supporting me.

Take the Costume Off

I can't believe I'm going away. Every once in a while it hits me that I will be on my own, no mom to care for me or cook for me, no dad to kiss me on the head at night. I mean, people might care, but no one will care like parents. It's kind of scary. I can't call mom and ask her to pick something up at the store for me -I'll be the one who has to go to the store. I hope my roommate and I get along. Though my roommate will probably help me match clothes, my mom really understands my problem of matching colors. Hmmm. Hot chocolate at night. Me running late and my mom making me a sandwich for lunch to help get me out the door.


I bought my sheets, quilt, and towels.

Don't Wait, Live

As I was putting Hamlet into the DVD player yesterday (I had to watch it for school), Alyssa called me and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. After considering my options -comparing Hamlet the play to Hamlet the movie, or dinner with Alyssa-, I happily chose Alyssa. When I arrived at her house, she informed me that Stephen would be meeting us there... oh great, the guy from work that I'm interested in is coming to diner with us and I didn't even put on mascara. So we stopped at Albertsons on the way to Applebees and I bought some mascara (Covergirl Professional, of course).
Sadly, I later discovered that I wasted some good mascara on a stupid boy... It seems like I'm the only person who doesn't drink. Alyssa and Stephen got in a conversation about how Phil parties all the time (he's going to Rollins this year, so I guess I should have just assumed he parties) and how Kelly likes to eat Vodka doused watermelon.
It just always takes me aback a little when I hear that someone that I know gets drunk and does other "stupid stuff." And when Alyssa mentioned that she and her cousin got in a car with a drunk guy earlier that day (though they didn't know he was drunk until he started driving), Stephen said he had some experience with that too: he and his friends had "been drinking a little" and Stephen -drunk as well- drove everyone home. However, he drove home without his lights on, at night, because one of his friends told him to. Therefore, I wasted good mascara. He said that was in his only time drinking and driving... I guess I just thought he would be a "good kid". I'm beginning to wonder if there is such thing as a guy who is as... well, doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, and isn't making out with girls every Friday night.
I shouldn't wonder/worry about it though, 'cus God's got this one and He has it figured out where I am, where I am going, who I will meet, and when/if I find the guy for me. I shouldn't be so avidly looking for him anyway, God has His plan and will work it out in His timing. I just gotta trust Him. However, I wanna stop "waiting my life" for this dream guy that society has fed to me and I want to begin "living my life" for God and for the call that He has placed on my life. God can bring a man to partner with if He wants, but I won't let my wanting a guy get in the way of what God has created me to do: serve Him and follow Him with reckless abandonment.

AP Scores!!!

US History- 4
Macro Economics- 3
American Gov- 5
Comparative Gov-4
Eng Lang- 5


YAAAAAAAY!

I didn't even take a class for Comparative Gov, I just bought a book (read it) and watched the news! I actually got to the essays and had no idea what to write and just wrote about random thoughts that I had accrued over time about those countries. Hoorah!

AP Econ isn't too exciting -it's a 3- but I guess for not understanding a thing ever taught in that class and making an A on my transcript, a 3 isn't too bad. I mean, Asbury accepts a 3 on the exam for credit, so that's really all that matters, haha.

HP 7

Ah, I feel like such a nerd/loser, I just pre-ordered the new Harry Potter book and took off work so I could read it

Just Add Water

Bathroom 3 days ago, bathroom today

me, Caroline, Rachel, Shannon, Shana, Amara (at Mark's party)
me, Sam
Rachel, Me, Alyssa


We (my family and I) are remodeling the bathrooms in the house. We have not had a shower for over a week now and will not have one until next week. I've been sleeping at friends' houses a bit, or just using their showers. We have a toilet thank goodness. I have become quite adept at moving around and living at of a tote bag. I have my bag constantly packed, especially my shower bag -all I need is water and then I;m set for a shower (I have shampoo, conditioner, towels, deodorant, a clean set of clothes, everything, in my shower bag).


I watched Girl From Paris tonight with my mom and sis. Liked it a lot. Not a romance in any way, but the story was nice.