Resonating in Me

Ever feel like throwing in the towel and just quitting church? I feel like that so many times. I go to 3 churches -one for my parents, one for youthgroup, and one for me. The one my parents go to is great, the purpose and ideology is amazing, focused on loving, community, Christ and serving; some people might call it young and naiive (if plans it budget not for what would be te least amount to get things done, but what should the offering look like if every member gave 10% of their income). The curret annual budget is 1.9 million, and the congregation has actually given over 1 million (it is only a 900 person church). But however cool my parents' church is, I don't feel like it is "my" church, like I belong.So I go to Northland for youthgroup. Over the past year or so though, I've felt like the messages taught have no relevance in my life and often found myself going to my small group and then leaving (before youth could start) with a friend or a small group leader to go to Starbucks and talk about what God's been up to in our lives.I now go to the college group at Northland instead of the high school one, but I feel even less inclined to participate and grow in the college group. I'm not sure if it's b/c all the college kids were my h/s leaders when I was in middle school, if I just don't do well in discussions w/ big groups, or what. I've been feeling shriveled in my walk with Christ lately. I feel like my whole life I have tried to ignore the crucifixion b/c so much pain and such serious love makes me uncomfortable -though I believe every bit that it happened and is the reason for my salvation, I just do not like to dwell upon it much. The thing is, I keep saying "I feel", which makes me wonder if this is just a thing where I'm relying on my emotions too much. But it doesn't make it seem any less real. I've been having trouble finding meaning in my faith (I barely know what that means, fyi), but it feels empty and I want to so badly just to own my faith for myself. Maybe that will happen at Asbury this year, but I don't know.However, I didn't mention my 3rd church, Status. When go to Status, I feel like I can connect with God and He is really listening -unlike so much of the time I spend in my room praying and reading the Bible. My doubts and confusion seem to dissappear when I step into Status and listen to the speaker and sing worship in that room. I don't want to leave Status, it's the first time I've truly found a church that I want to become a part of. And now I'm going to Asbury in Kentucky, 14 hours away from Status. I don't know if it's good or bad that Status makes everything seem real for just 2 hours and not much else seems to. All I know is that He has offered me guidance and love even when I am struggling and I want to follow Him all the more.