Shame

My school had a special chapel on eating disorders yesterday, and while it wasn't bad or untruthful, it was definitely boring. However, the woman who spoke was from Remuda and she brought up the topic of shame. Over the past few months, I have begun to recognize and admit that I feel shame when it comes to ED. I mean, it's only the stupid girls who are shallow and don't understand nutrition who are dumb enough to believe things that aren't true and have such a weak will to not be able to stop something they know is bad for them, right? -I am being sarcastic, but also mimicking the thoughts in my head. Anyway, I know shame is not of God and God's grace is bigger, but it's hard to live that out.

There was a small seminar yesterday in the student center on "how to help loved ones with eating disorders" put on by the woman from Remuda and only 4 people who didn't have EDs showed up (there were 8 total). I felt like no one cared enough about me, or the tens of other girls on campus who struggle, to want to know how to help me. I was really disappointed in my friends who I had told about my ED. But then I continued to think about it, and I was like, "God and Lauren both care and really understand, and they love me, and I can trust them." I usually end up crying myself to sleep, but last night it was so comforting to have that loneliness ebb away for once.