Sex/Marriage/Church

My church is about to start a series of sermons on the topic of sex and I must admit that I am a little nervous. It is not the sex part that I care about -goodness knows I have heard a bajillion sermons and talks on sex in chapel, in "adult" church, in youth group, and even at camp-, but the marriage part I am concerned with. Most sermons on sex, in a nutshell, go something like this, "Sex is wonderful, but only in marriage. Don't make love until you're married because God designed sex for marriage and it is better experienced in the confines a of a secure, trusting, committed marital relationship."

So really, I am not headed into a 3-week sermon series on sex. What I am getting into is 3 weeks of hearing about something that I cannot do and have no hope of doing because I do not have a man in my life, because I am not married. All that makes me do is want to get married, not want to save myself for marriage. Especially in light of my recent revelation about wanting to live my life for me and not living to get married, I do not want to put myself through such sermons. For the past 4 weeks or so, for the first time in my life, I feel slightly freer from the pressure to get married, from the constant desire pressing on me to be loved by a man, from the fear of leaving college alone and never finding someone. I am more content on my own right now than I have ever been before and I don't want to risk lose this because I listened to 3 sermons on how great marriage is/will be.

I think I will go tonight to hear the first sermon, but I will walk out if I want or need to and I am making no commitment to continue with the entire series.


UPDATE:
Church was good. Pastor Kevin exceeded my expectations. He talked about the shame that Satan can put on us (and we put on ourselves) when we believe Satan's lies instead of God's truth. He spoke of breaking free from shame through God's grace because shame keeps us from believing others can love us and from loving others.