I am afraid that I won't heal and mature and move past my issues and will end up being as emotionally crippled and unable to have a good marriage as my parents.
My mom called me on Friday night to tell me she broke up with Ernie. I was so happy. I mean, she shouldn't be with someone who is as old as my grandpa and has kids that are her age. Also, he told her that they either be physically involved, or he didn't want to be involved at all with her (that was back in last school year). So she finally broke it off Friday.... then I get a call Sunday night and she mentions that Ernie called her and asked her on a date for Thursday night. Ugh.
She said that he apologized and is content now with casual dating where he picks her up at the door, they go out to dinner, and he drops her off at the door, and nothing more than that. Apparently they are in a relationship, but it isn't serious. I was so shocked. I didn't know what to say.
I called her today and told her that I felt that Ernie was not a righteuous man or a man after God's heart and she agreed. I told her that she should only date men who are righteous and are Godly and she disagreed. She feels that, since things aren't serious with Ernie, it doesn't matter what kind of man he is. Argh, she shouldn't date someone if she is not serious, especially at age 56 with 2 kids.
Oh, and, not serious? Ernie picked Mary up from school today and gave her some food for my mom and her to eat for dinner tonight.
1 comment:
Your mother is human. She has been deprived of honest love for a very long time. She's raised two children in a loveless marriage and lived a life you or I cannot begin to understand.
Maybe Ernie makes her happy. Maybe he gives her a sense of self worth she's never been allowed to have before. Maybe what she's doing is more beyond right or wrong then you can believe, maybe its beyond your judgments and feelings. Maybe a woman who feels like she's sacrificed her life for her husband and children deserves to take time for herself.
I don't know. This is something I'm struggling with. My mom would have divorced my dad had he not gotten cancer. I knew it was coming before she told me this past summer. She loved my father, but loving my father could be dangerous and hurtful. I understand that. I know that she's spent so long living a life where she's not necessarily been someone she's wanted to be, and I know she struggles to reconcile the love she had for my father with the realization that maybe she deserved better. One day she remembers him as her soulmate and vows to never marry again, but the next day she's telling me all about the young men (my age or a little older) who hit on her or say this or that to her and blahblahblah.
I know our situations are very different, but I believe many of the effects of our situations are similar if not the same. I want you to know someone's going through stuff like you are. I hope that, even if we disagree on whatever points, you know you're not alone.
I know how terrible it is to wear one face to the world, and see another in the mirror. But I'm here for you, Amy. I am willing to see both faces. Life is wonderfully, heart breakingly complicated sometimes.
Take care<3
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