How can I hate and love someone so much at the same time?
I cried about him just listening to "I've Got Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks today.
It was horrible being around Senny and Steve the entire day. They constantly reminded me of him.
I can't go back to him. He doesn't want me anyway. If I did, I know he wouldn't change and that I would not be valued or treasured the way I should be and that he would not be willing to have a relationship on the level that I want. I don't know if I can let anyone in that far again. I went with Senny to some UCF thing to play soccer with like 12 kids and then to college group at Northland tonight, and all I could think about was how I can't trust anyone that way again. I thought about how it takes so much time to build that kind of intimacy and how hard it is to build and how I don't know if I can do it again.
1 comment:
Amy, I believe that the pain we feel reflects our emotional depth. You loved someone very deeply, and losing the person in your life has created a cavity where that love once was. This, painful as it is, is not a bad thing. This proves you can reach out and trust and love someone deeply. And, yes, this guy obviously didn't deserve it, but that just teaches you to learn about it, to learn how to respect and love yourself as well as someone else.
Use this experience to prove to yourself that you have a lot to offer someone. You have caverns of love and caring that can be filled to the brim with thoughts of someone other than yourself. Because you can love so deeply, someone else can love you just as deeply. You know you're worth it, of course.
So, yes, letting people in, becoming intimate with other people--it's hard, it can hurt. But remember the loving times, or what you thought at the time were loving times. Those experiences are priceless, and when you get someone who'll treat you like you need and deserve to be treated, those feelings will only be amplified. Learn from this maybe, build your blocks slower next time, don't be so willing to overlook the way a guy might undervalue you just because he says he cares about you. But don't stop it completely. These pains, they reflect love, and as bad as they might be, isn't the possibility of someone loving you that intensely worth it?
I don't think anyone would ever believe love was easy, to find or to keep or to believe in. But if it was easy, it probably wouldn't be worth it.
Post a Comment