Relationships

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

Go cry about it - why don't you?

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room,
Burning room.

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

"Slow Dancing in a Burning Room", John Mayer

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I think Alex and I will need to part ways in the future, but I'm not ready yet. I need to build up an alternative world (as opposed to my world being him) before I let go of him. Or, we could just be going through a rough time. It just seems like every time we hang out, we end up making each other angry or hurt or ticked off.

I love Alex, but I don't think I could marry him. Maybe I have just become dependent on his presence. I seem to want to be with him so much more than he wants to be with me. He said he was really glad I was not trying to hang out with every day this week, but I hated every moment of not being able to see him for 2 and 3 days straight. He said he would have broken up with me if I was that obsessed. Is that a bad thing to want? To want to see him at least once every day, even if just for 10 minutes in the Student Center?

Sometimes his dis-like of the city, his criticism of the way I spend my money, his refusal to live south of Indiana, and his boring diet of only foods that are found at Longhorn, Outback, or Applebee seriously ticks me off. He refuses to even try soup! He won't go to Panera at all, just digs his heels in the ground.

At the same time, he is really sweet. He picks me up in his car for church, he ate all the food I made at his mom's house, he bakes with me, he was willing (though not happy) to go downtown with me, he bought me Godiva chocolate, he bought me Juno, he tells me I'm beautiful, he doesn't mind me being silly or stupid, he helped me swim properly.


I'm finding myself annoyed with everyone lately. I may be a little depressed from all the emotional upheavals of this summer. I don't want to hang out with anyone, I don't want to go to meals -I just want to be in my room, eat alone, and focus on school work. I feel like I have no friends.