Love Is Not Earned

Sometimes, when I look into the mirror as I am getting ready for bed, usually not wearing much more than shorts and a bra, I congratulate myself for obtaining and maintaining a thin, athletic body. However, just a few minutes later, I usually end up in bed that night with my knees hugged to my chest and my head hung low, wondering why, if I have such a nice body, prince charming has not come riding in and swept me off my feet yet.

Right about then, Ed stops talking and logic (aka, the voices of my nutritionist and counselor) comes in. I realize that no one should/would love me just because I have an attractive body (it won't always look like this anyway). And in the same way that a man should not love me because I somehow got the perfect body, he should also not love me because I could be the perfect wife who can cleaning anything, bake or cook everything, and knows how to discuss politics, as well as balance the checkbook. Why should a guy, or anyone for that matter, love anyone else?

When will I stop trying to be perfect to earn love? When will I stop expecting people to love me if only I could somehow embody this ever-evasive idea of "perfection"?

I know that I can't earn love. Love doesn't work like that. But I still find myself wondering why no one (no one that I click with intellectually) wants to marry me when I am physically fit, a good cook, and have a college degree.