I think my worst fears have shifted, which is both exciting and sad.
First, the fact that there are other fears competing with my fear of gaining weight is great for my recovery, but that one of those competing fears is that my sister will commit suicide is quite unsettling. I dreamed last night that my mom and I were walking around our neighborhood on an evening stroll. We were talking about how we had not seen Mary in a couple of days when a neighbor kid said, "I know where she is..." and took us to a lake in someone's backyard. He then said that her body would come up to the surface in a few minutes. It became clear to my mom and I what had happened and I fell to me knees and began to hysterically scream and cry, but I was so upset I could not even make a sound or move.
When she came up, she was alive and started laughing at the "funny" joke she had played on us. I am so glad that was only a dream.
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