Tragic.

Recent Realization: My dad had to lose everything in order to go through the hard work of changing. "Everything" was his marriage/family. What's sad is that, if my mom had stayed with him, he never would have changed and he would still be the selfish husband who doesn't love and the disconnected father who doesn't give his time or attention. But, because my mom divorced him, he finally committed to real change.

Of course, the dilmemna of "divorce and he'll change" and "stay and he'll still be unfaithful/unloving" means that:

a.) Mom goes through the crap that comes with divorce and ends up alone, but her ex husband changes and becomes a better man for someone new

b.) Mom stays and puts up with a man who is unfaithful and does not love her or her kids enough to make any sacrifice at all

I mean, I think choice "a" is better in the long run, but it sucks 'cus she ends up alone and has to see her husband become a better man only after she divorces him. But he wouldn't have changed and become better if she had stayed. She stayed with him 30 years and he didn't change. I am fully confident that divorce was the only thing that would have ever made him change.

Why is it that what my mom wanted to happen (my dad to change) couldn't happen if she was still with him? As soon as she leaves him, he changes; she knew it would happen.