So my good friend who knows Ed all too well emailed me and wrote about how her house-mates (she is Italy) approached her about her eating habits, how they had been suspicious since the 2nd day of the semester. She cried and was honest with them, but they shame and guilt she feels is so strong. I emailed her back with this:
Oh baby girl, I am so sorry you feel this. I am so sorry you feel the guilt and the shame too. I have to remind myself constantly that guilt and shame are not of God.
The truth is Amy+Ed is outraged that your protection has been stripped, that your deepest hurt has been revealed to people who may or may not understand. However, I must say that Amy+Jesus has been praying that God would work powerfully during your time in Italy, especially in relation to Ed.
Honestly, Ed is so deceptive. I call him Ed because he is like a controlling boyfriend and can be emotionally and physically abusive. He promises that he will love you, but then only tears you down and tells you horrible lies. He promises that you will have friends and not be lonely, but then he keeps you only for himself and guilt trips you if you want to spend time with someone else or do something he doesn't want to do. Breaking up is so hard, so scary, because he is so manipulative. He will say and do anything when we try to leave him.
The truth is Amy+Ed is outraged that your protection has been stripped, that your deepest hurt has been revealed to people who may or may not understand. However, I must say that Amy+Jesus has been praying that God would work powerfully during your time in Italy, especially in relation to Ed.
Honestly, Ed is so deceptive. I call him Ed because he is like a controlling boyfriend and can be emotionally and physically abusive. He promises that he will love you, but then only tears you down and tells you horrible lies. He promises that you will have friends and not be lonely, but then he keeps you only for himself and guilt trips you if you want to spend time with someone else or do something he doesn't want to do. Breaking up is so hard, so scary, because he is so manipulative. He will say and do anything when we try to leave him.
I don't know if I would call Ed "a" sin. Sin puts us in chains, keeps us from God. Bondage puts us in chains, keeps us from God. Ed puts us in change and keeps us from God.
Does that make sense? We are sinful people. We are in bondage to sin. We are in bondage to Ed. But the truth is, everyone is bondage to sin -Ed makes us much more aware of our chains. But Jesus sets us free from the bondage of sin, you and I both know that. I don't think I would have ever understood the concept of being "in bondage to sin" if not got Ed. Freedom reigns in this place, baby.
Don't let anyone tell you, "this is something that you will deal with for the rest of your life." I have had well-meaning people tell me that, but it is a lie. Jesus has set us free, girl. His power and dominion do not exclude Ed.
Baby girl, I love you so much and am praying for you.
I have been thinking about what you said the other day about finding freedom and being scared. It's so frightening. The "what ifs" start coming and I get scared about losing this "control" that actually makes me out of control. I get scared and it's so stupid and I know it. Why do I get scared of something good?
Does that make sense? We are sinful people. We are in bondage to sin. We are in bondage to Ed. But the truth is, everyone is bondage to sin -Ed makes us much more aware of our chains. But Jesus sets us free from the bondage of sin, you and I both know that. I don't think I would have ever understood the concept of being "in bondage to sin" if not got Ed. Freedom reigns in this place, baby.
Don't let anyone tell you, "this is something that you will deal with for the rest of your life." I have had well-meaning people tell me that, but it is a lie. Jesus has set us free, girl. His power and dominion do not exclude Ed.
Baby girl, I love you so much and am praying for you.
I have been thinking about what you said the other day about finding freedom and being scared. It's so frightening. The "what ifs" start coming and I get scared about losing this "control" that actually makes me out of control. I get scared and it's so stupid and I know it. Why do I get scared of something good?
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This I did not put in my email, decided not to, but I wrote it and want to share it here:
This I did not put in my email, decided not to, but I wrote it and want to share it here:
Also, I know there are so many lies out there, so much shame. I feel so much shame at the lies, "only stupid girls get Eds; only shallow girls would be dumb enough to actually fear gaining weight this excessively; you're immature because otherwise you would not be dealing with such a materialistic and girly teen issue." It's so connected with ditzy, stupid girls who don't understand the way their body works. I just think "stupid" when I think of a girl who has an Ed. Ed screams "You're stupid for doing these things, you can't tell anyone about me!" But All of those are lies. They are such good sounding lies though. Ed loves to tell me them because they push me closer to him and farther away from people.
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