I had a really scary dream Monday night. I haven't had such a disturbing dream in my entire life.
My parents and I were at a "resort" (some dingy log cabins and an almost green pool) and lounging around the pool when I noticed there were also about three or four young couples with infants and toddlers at the pool. I tried to close the fence around the pool so that the children would not fall in, but I couldn't get the opening to close. Finally, a father came over and said that it would be ok and he would watch to make sure the kids did not come near the pool. Just as he was telling me this, I saw a baby boy crawling towards the edge of the pool. The boy fell in and the dad was gone. I tried to jump in the pool, but as soon as I hit the water, I realized I had a full-face motorcycle helmet on and my lungs burned for lack of air. I came up,struggled to pull the helmet off, then grabbed some goggle and dived under to where I had last seen the boy. I came up with what I thought was the boy, but when I looked, it was nothing more than a baby doll. I dived down twice more and came up with the same kind of doll each time. I finally gave up and decided there must not have been any baby that fell into the pool in the first place.
Still in the pool, my grandfather came up to me and cornered me to tell me, "if you are going to f*** anybody, f*** me." My grandmother was a little behind him, and looked at me as if this was the most normal thing for a grandfather to say. My grandpa then repeated it and I tried frantically to swim away, feeling vulnerable and dirty. He had said it with a smile, in a very polite and congenial tone. It was so scary.
Back in the hotel room, I tried to explain to my parents what had happened and told them that we couldn't stay at the resort another night. They said that we had to stay one more night, otherwise it would make it obvious why we were leaving. I realized they would not give in and resigned myself to the idea that I would have to wait until the morning to leave.
The next thing I know, I was eating appetizers with my parents at our house, waiting for my grandparents to arrive for dinner. When they did arrive, my grandpa began to ask if he could take me [alone] to dinner. My mother said absolutely not and was very stern about it and asked him to leave. My father softly told my grandfather that taking me out to dinner would not be possible. My grandfather then tried to persuade my parents to give him a key to the house, just in case we ever got locked out. My parents did not believe him (I was panicked and rooted to the floor, unable to move except to look at my parents and plead for him to go with my eyes).
My grandparents finally left, but soon after, a man came to our door claiming to be a maintenance man of some sort, asking for a key to the house. I recognized him as a friend of my grandfather's and quickly informed my parents not to give him a key. My mom made him leave. However, a minute later we heard a knock on the door and we opened it to find the same friend of my grandpa's standing there, holding a key to our house. That's when I realized I had left my car unlocked and a house key inside of it.
Then I woke up. It was so scary. I debated whether I should call Alex or my mom. I would have called Alex, but I wanted someone who would be able to physically hold me and Alex didn't have his cell that night 'cus he was at his mom's (I would have had to call his mom's house phone, which is in her room, meaning i would have woken her up at 5am to walk upstairs and wake alex up to talk to me). So I walked to my mom's room, where she prayed for me. I slept there until 6:30am, when I had to get up for work.
Earlier that night, I had not been able to sleep until 3am because of horrible cramps (why did God burden girls so?). So you can only guess how hard it was for me not to cry during the day. It was my first day working 7 hours at camp, then working 4.5 hours and sunglass hut. In between jobs, I met with a woman named Dawn for counseling. Shelly recommended her and Paul's sister has also gone to her. While explaining to her about my parents and school and everything that I could think of about my life, I just bawled. I had no mascara on by the end of the 50 minutes. I had already cried that morning when I was driving to camp (a slower worship song came on and I just couldn't help myself, being so tired and stressed with the new jobs and trying to figure out that dream from the night before.) All in all, this has been one crazy week and I am about to do another 60+ hour week starting tomorrow. One down, seven more to go. Then I get to fly up to Indiana and see Alex for two days. I wish that weekend with Alex were closer.
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